Stop Doing This One Thing And Bring Him CLOSER
One of the biggest mistakes I see women make in dating and relationships is OVERFUNCTIONING.
There’s this common fear that if we don’t constantly DO things for a man – and take an active role in moving the relationship forward – he’s going to lose interest.
Almost all women want a masculine-energy man who can figure things out on his own, but they often get in their own way because they think they’re just being “helpful” – or they’re afraid they’re going to lose a man if they don’t constantly DO things in the relationship.
The opposite is actually true – overfunctioning actually repels masculine-energy men and causes their attraction for you to fade!
Overfunctioning looks like…
…always being the one to initiate contact with a man
…asking him out, doing all the planning and driving to him for dates, and paying on dates
…doing things in order to GET something from him
…playing “therapist” or “counselor” by helping him figure something out if he hasn’t asked for your help
…trying to “create” something in your relationship by constantly giving and doing things for him.
Overfuntioning can also manifest in more subtle ways as well. Here are some good questions to ask yourself:
How often do you try to “rescue” the conversation, or “entertain” a man?
How often are you offering unsolicited suggestions, or offering to help a man with something when he hasn’t asked?
Many women take on a lot of the masculine “doing” energy in the relationship – and then build up resentment around that without even realizing it.
Some women are afraid that if they stop overfunctioning they’ll lose their connection with a man and the relationship will “fizzle out” – but the opposite is actually true!
When you start overfunctioning and taking over some of the masculine role, you actually end up pushing men away on a very deep, unconscious level.
It’s shocking how many of us have gotten into this situation. It can persist to the point where it completely damages a relationship seemingly beyond repair – but the good news is, you can FIX it!
Once you learn how to turn this around, and find a new place for your energies on the “outside” – a man will often turn around on a dime.
Your dating life will change. Your relationship will improve. Everything in your life will get better!
The fantastic thing about being a woman is that getting a man to see how wonderful you are doesn’t involve any effort at all! It’s about simply BEING, not doing.
Women who are truly confident know that they don’t need to DO anything in order to keep a man’s interest, so they naturally have a high perceived value in men’s eyes.
This is a very different feeling and “vibe” than chasing a man down, trying to impress HIM and prove to him that you’re a great catch.
The truth is, men CAN’T fall in love when we’re giving to them – they fall in love when they’re giving to US.
A masculine-energy man’s biggest desire is to be with a woman who allows him to do things for her – a woman who’s able to RECEIVE what he has to give!
You’ll be the most attractive woman in the world to a man if you can lean back and allow him to give to you.
When you demonstrate that you can receive from a man, that’s when he feels the most connected to you and can REALLY fall in love.
I shared exactly how to do this to bring a man closer than ever in Teleclass #13 of my Effortlessly Attract Love Program.
If you’re ready to finally have the loving, committed relationship you’ve always dreamed of, click here to learn more about my Effortlessly Attract Love Program.
24 replies to "Stop Doing This One Thing And Bring Him CLOSER"
Ok, I have a question. I quit taking crumbs from hum and my r/s actually did get worse. Or what I mean is that I got even less then the crumbs. Why?
Hi Michelle,
That’s a great question, and I’m sorry to hear that you went through this. This is a classic sign that this was NOT the right man for you.
Here’s a blog post and a video I recorded that should give you some clarity around this:
http://helenahartcoaching.com/are-you-taking-crumbs-from-a-man/
http://helenahartcoaching.com/how-to-stop-settling-for-crumbs-in-dating-and-relationships/
If a woman is accepting crumbs because she’s afraid of losing a man, that creates a whole vibe around her that a man can FEEL – and this does the OPPOSITE of bring him closer. I’m so glad to hear that you realize you deserve more than crumbs!
Love, Helena
I was with a guy for 5 weeks met his family for Father’s Day , his day had just passed away 1 month prior and was Ghosted I reached out the leaned back again after 2 months reached out again and was great 2 weeks in met with his family for his birthday, Bam ! Ghosted again. Should I be done now?
In a word ? Yes.
Why do you want a relationship with a man who doesn’t make you feel like you are treasured ? Netflix and popcorn sounds better than that to me. Raise your standards, girl and the universe will meet you there with the right person.
Sounds as if you may not be the only woman he’s dating?!
My relationship began in an airport. He’s a Pilot and I’m a bartender. He was coming out of a divorce but said he was fine emotionally and began talking about our future – Biblical dating/dating with a purpose for marriage. Two months in, he said he had some latent feelings from the divorce surface and he wasn’t ready to move quickly after all. He gave me the choice, knowing he wasn’t emotionally where he thought he was with our relationship, to stop dating or to continue dating knowing he was not on the same page with me anymore. I, being already emotionally attached bc of intimacy and bc I could see everything I have prayed for in this man, chose to hold on, hoping a few more months and he would be on the other side of the issues he was having emotionally from the divorce.
fast forward, it’s been one year and 3 mos and he is more distant than ever. I see now from watching these videos that I had reversed roles and have been pursuing him, not giving him space, and basically freaking out a few times. He’ was patient with me until about 2 mos ago.
fast forward again, for the last two weeks I’ve been practicing Matthew Coast’s & Helena Hart’s advice. Trying to be in my feminine energy and giving him the opportunity to be the man – the pursuer, the planner, the initiator of texts, etc. He invited me to come see him (LDR), tomorrow through Thursday. I plan on going there to have fun, make happy memories for him to anchor, plan on not having sexual intimacy, but with soft rejection bc I want commitment and not casual relationship…. but I’m reaching out to you all to offer any more advice or videos that may help me while I’m with him for the next couple of days….
i like this man but he said we are different people what’s that mean maybe you can tell me because i really like him he does not text me or when i text hello he will not answer me
If a man repeatedly doesn’t reply, especially on direct questions, it a good time to move on with Your life. By not giving certain answer they think, that they haven’t done anything bad, because they don’t wan’t to come as an assholes. A bit weird logic, but unfortunately it is. Especially since he is telling You that You are different, don’t waste Your time.
I’ve been with my fiance going on 5 yrs now. We started out great got even better then we feel on some very very beyond hard times for roughly 2-3 yrs now. (Started after I was nearly killed in a car accident that happened in front of his job while he was working.) I started massively overfunctionjng once I was completely healed and as back to normal as I’m able to be now. At first he loved seeing me put so much effort into as much as I did. Then literally over night he turn into pure hollowed out ice cube on me. He literally goes back and forth so much and often I sometimes feel I could get whiplash. One min he wants me to relax enjoy myself focus on me n my hobbies then literally could be 2 mins later he’s telling me how lazy and pos I am. And that I should do something to help out be poroductive and useful. I remind him Literally 2 mins ago he wanted ME to relax. Long story short we usually end up in a massive “war” that has gone as long as almost 8 hrs before. I’m truly confused as to what to do, as to what he expects or wants from me anymore! I want to fix our relationship very badly!! I did forget to mention this is also the Same
Man who saved my life after my accident. Had he not come out to hold me I’d have given up and let the internal bleeding and pain take me! Please any advice or anyone with experience such. as mine I’m open to any and all suggestions and help. Thanks!
Maybe couples therapy? Seems he’s dealing with issues he’s not aware of and is taking it out on you. Maybe stress at work, maybe losing you made him feel less than, maybe you overfunctioning is making him malfunction but he doesn’t realize that’s what is going on. Couples therapy will help find the answer especially since you’re engaged. If it was a boyfriend I’d say leave and let him figure it out but since you’ve sort of made a long term commitment to each other you should t just leave, otherwise will your marriage work? I could be wrong but this is what comes to mind when I read your message. I had a boyfriend who did the same but it was in our first year of knowing each other, I didn’t leave and it got worse. He had issues he needed to solve and me staying wasn’t going to solve it since he didn’t want to seek help. Put yourself first always cos that’s the only way you can help him.
I have meet this man one whom I have been waiting for all my life treats me great but he lost his wife almost 2 years ago since we have been together his step daughter moved in his place and he don’t want her to know about me we have been together 10 months now and we only see each other when it’s convenient for him and I have boundaries can’t call him at nite or on his days off I have to wait for him to contact me ,but I promised him to let him move at his on pace how long is long enough?? He tells me he loves me and wants me to be his wife ,I’m just confused
Hi Helena thanks for the useful info. I am separated from my husband for I started a relationship with someone two years ago. All went well he spoiled got so much and gave me so much attention. Actually he can make any women feel special. He unfortunately got engaged to someone and I learned afterwards the second one is on the way. We stayed together until he had no choice but to get married. Apologies that his heart is with me but he can’t just leave her seeing that there is two children now. However he is still making constant contact and time for me. But the last two months I started realising I am worth more n deserve better. But it is still diffict sometimes and its as if I don’t want to accept there will be no future no matter what. My gut tells me that there is also someone else beside me and the wife. It’s so disappointing for someone who never dated a lot of men and is very sacred when it comes to making love. I sometimes feel in control of my emotions but not always.
How man can i get closer!!!
hey Helena
have been this guy for about months now but he doesn’t call we only chat via watsap whereby its me who initiates the chat but when we are chatting he shows he loves me so much. does this guy really love me coz am confused coz I love him??
Should a woman give money to a man she never met face to face?
Never, never, never! Likely a scammer who will tell you he is in love with you at warp speed. He is manipulating you. Run! Stop communicating with him, block him immediately. I have been there, you deserve so much more. Find the guy who needs nothing more than you, not your money.
No! That’s red flag. Run!
I always gave my .men money and now th as ts all he wants more money I told him no more that’s it take it or leave.it..
Why men used love to lead a woman on, then divert the love and topic to another direction, and crumble they relationship?
I met a guy online, we’ve being talking/texting more than 3months. gone out twice for dinner. He has been the one coming to me cause I have been busy with work and I don’t really have time. He is inviting me for a sleep over for us to have sometime together since I have limited timing, I like him though and he said he liked me too. Just scared of heart break, What do I do?
I really appreciate you for these guide lines with our husband to be I do appreciate alots.
I have a serious issue with my friend, he has been saying to me that I am lying and I have cheated. Neither one of those things are true. I have not lied nor have I been unfaithful to the relationship. He says it and I just reply back to him NO I HAVE NOT DONE NEITHER. I will stop talking to him, won’t call just keep my distance, then he will send me a text saying something to start a conversation with me. I seriously think he has insecurities issues, and needs to talk about it or seek help because he is going to loose me, because i don’t care to here him say the same thing to me every other week and I have been going thru this for 3 and half years with this man. HELP!
Never, never, never! Likely a scammer who will tell you he is in love with you at warp speed. He is manipulating you. Run! Stop communicating with him, block him immediately. I have been there, you deserve so much more. Find the guy who needs nothing more than you, not your money.
My boyfriend is keeping the distance between the two of us.. He said he is not mad at me but he never lets me come back/visit his house.. He said I have not done anything wrong and it’s him.. I contact him everyday to start a conversation.. is it alright? or should I just stop and let him come to me?