angry-girl-147105_640Here’s a question from Anne – who’s dealing with feelings that come up ALL the time in relationships, so I thought this would be helpful for everyone.
The Question:
Helena, I’m worried that my anger is ruining my relationship. I do SO much for my man, and then I get angry when I feel like the relationship isn’t moving forward. I end up exploding on him and it always turns into a fight. He’s a good guy, I just want to break this cycle before I push him away for good. Please help!!! – Anne
My Answer:
Anne – two things that accompany urgency in relationships are ANGER and RESENTMENT.
Anger and resentment lead to ATTACK. You either want to attack him for not giving you as much as you’re giving him, or you’re afraid he’s going to attack YOU by leaving you.
When this happens, your feelings of urgency, anger, frustration, and resentment are going to get BIG. And you’re not going to know how to let it out towards him – it’s going to be too late and you’re going to “explode on him,” just like you said.
One of the most important things to remember is this:

Anger and resentment build in direct proportion to the amount of energy and effort you’re putting out in the relationship.

In other words, you’re going to be angry with him if he doesn’t step up, because you’re putting out a lot of effort to “make” him step up or to keep the relationship going.
If you weren’t putting out all this effort – if you were just leaning back, focusing on yourself, and watching him – you wouldn’t be anywhere near as angry.
When you’re “waiting” for a man to move the relationship forward because you’re overly invested in him, you’re going to become angry and resentful.
When anger and resentment start building, you start to feel this sense of attack. That’s when the communication with him breaks down and you can push him away. This is where it all goes downhill.
So anger, resentment, and a sense of attack are all a result of working too hard in the relationship!

If you’re starting to feel angry or resentful – that’s a big clue! Instead of focusing on what he’s dong or not doing, you want to ask yourself right away, “Where am I putting in too much effort?”

Pulling back on the effort you’re putting out to make something happen in your relationship will make all the difference in the world for you! 
Focusing that energy on YOURSELF instead will shift your vibe and make you much more attractive to your man.
Love, Helena


    11 replies to "Anger And Resentment In Relationships"

    • Brandy

      Love your posts..short, simple & applicable! Thank you for the daily reminders of who I want to be!

      • Helena Hart

        Thanks Brandy! You’re very welcome!!
        Love, Helena

    • Arpita Malakar

      I feel like ‘ohh this is my situation’ , ‘this post is for me’ whenever I am reading your posts Thank You.

      • Helena Hart

        You’re welcome! I’m so glad they’ve been helpful for you!
        Love, Helena

    • Sindy

      Nice job on presenting the information, this was very helpful.

    • Elizabeth

      Hola! I’ve been following your web site for some time now and finally got the courage to go ahead and give you a shout out from Lubbock Tx!
      Just wanted to mention keep up the good work!

    • Daysi

      Always my pleasure to find a blog worth reading.

    • Morgan

      Helpful stuff, a joy to have found it!

    • Talita

      Helena!
      My boyfriend of 11 months stoped texting daily
      He became distant. He then told me he needs time to figure out if he wants to be in a committed relationship, meaning calling me everyday. He used to call me every night before he goes to bed. He is not seeing anyone else.That he wants his downtime, his time alone. That he is learning to love his couch and his tv time. He is separated, not divorced. He now calls every other day or every two days. We see each other once per month now. Used to be once per week.
      This weekend he told me that he understand if I do not want to be on this “quasi” relationship. He said he wants his cake and wants to eat it too.
      I feel that I have been downgrated from a girlfriend to a casual once per month date. When his needs hits the fan he comes to see me.
      Should I give him space?
      If I give him more space will change anything?
      Should I pull back all the way. Well, he is in control now, so I am no chasing him. If he does not call neither do I.
      Should I end this?
      Please give some advise here.
      Thanks

      • Helena Hart

        Talita – I’m so sorry to hear you’re going through this right now. I agree, seeing someone once a month is definitely not a relationship.
        When a man says he needs space, your only option is to give him that space, truly take your focus OFF of him, and go full-out with the distance/warmth combination.
        If I were you, I would absolutely start dating other men. Every minute you spend “waiting” for a man who isn’t crazy about you and coming towards you, his feelings of attraction for you will fade.
        If he knows you’re waiting around for him to make up his mind or “choose” to be with you, there’s no reason for him to step up. He’s “having his cake and eating it too” just like he said.
        Leaning back and opening up to yourself and to other men who can give you the kind of relationship you’re looking for will give the right man for you the chance to show up in your life and come towards you – whether it be this man or a man who’s even BETTER for you.
        Love, Helena

    • […] on a lot of the masculine “doing” energy in the relationship – and then build up resentment around that without even realizing […]

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