If you’re feeling a sense of LONGING for a man – especially a man who isn’t giving you all the love, attention, and affection you want and deserve – I know exactly how that feels.
If you’re feeling compelled to “go after” a man – you’re in your masculine energy, and that’s never going to work for you! Leaning forward and chasing a man will push him away.
What you want to do instead is the OPPOSITE of “go after” him – you want to lean back and inspire him to pursue YOU. That’s what will build a deep attraction with a man – since men value what they have to work for, just like we do!
Often, the time when a woman feels the most compelled to lean forward is when a man’s energy is NOT coming towards her. If the man you want isn’t calling you or paying attention to you – instead of leaning towards him or “going after” him – you want to lean back and create the space for him to come towards you.
If you’ve made a man “the goal” – you’re going to have to get yourself some new goals that have NOTHING to do with him. In other words, your masculine energy needs something else to do!
Taking your focus completely OFF of a man is what creates the space for him to come towards you.
If a man isn’t paying attention to you, what you want to do is pull your energy off of him. In order to do that, you’re going to have to find some other things to do that will completely absorb you and occupy your time, energy, and attention.
This works wonders if you’re in the same house with a man and he’s ignoring you, or if you’re dating a man and he’s not calling you. Here are some ideas:
♥ Go for a walk.
♥ Paint your nails.
♥ Read a book.
♥ Clean out a drawer.
♥ Go to the gym.
♥ Take a yoga/martial arts/acting/dance/cooking/rock climbing class.
♥ Go shopping.
♥ Take yourself out and start interacting with other men!
♥ Get in touch with your creative side by writing or doing some art. This is a fantastic way to use your energy! Here are some drawings and paintings from an extremely talented client of mine (you may recognize some Rori Raye tools such as “The Rowboat” and “Unzip Your Heart” in these illustrations):
Using your masculine energy for YOURSELF – rather than using it to try to “make something happen” in dating and relationships – is what creates the space for you to be in your feminine energy when you’re with a man, which will make you unbelievably attractive to him!
I’d love to hear about what helps YOU create the space for a man to comes towards you!
16 replies to "How To Create The Space For A Man To Come Towards You"
I love this art!! So creative and free. I think I am finally getting to place where I am getting bored by thinking about men who “aren’t there” and “not stepping up.” I can feel my own creative juices starting to flow and I feel excited to see where my inspiration leads next!
Christina – that’s fantastic!! BORED is exactly how you should feel about men who aren’t stepping up!
Love, Helena
Wow that art is beyond gorgeous and amazing!!! 🙂 I’ve found that working on redecorating my apartment really helps me take my focus off of a man, I get so into it I just forget about him and that’s usually when he calls!
Tamara – that’s exactly how it works! Working on redecorating your apartment is a PERFECT way to use your masculine energy and take your focus off of a man!
Love, Helena
OK, I’m back with a question.
I’m setting up a date with a fellow who is a bit older than I usually like to date but I’m staying open to new people & experiences. We haven’t met in person yet.
I wrote to B to let him know I’m back in town and he wrote back to me and added: “You’re intriguing to me. Brains =sexy”
I can feel my blocks flying up! I don’t like men I don’t know to tell me I am sexy!! And it certainly doesn’t make me want to flirt back. How do I stay warm but feel safe at the same time?
Great question! I might turn this into a whole new blog post because I know everyone can relate to this. For now, this is really something I want you to take a look at.
Brains ARE sexy, and men are SUPPOSED to think you’re sexy! This man said you’re intriguing to him – that’s fantastic! I’d respond with a 🙂 or a “thank you!” If you can get comfortable with this, it will really open you up.
The way to feel safe while being warm and open is to trust YOURSELF. Since you’re strong on the inside and you trust yourself and your boundaries, that’s what allows you to be soft and warm on the outside.
Love, Helena
Beautiful art, I love the rowboat drawing!! I feel inspired to do something like that next time I feel the need to figure a man out (my tendency is to analyze everything to death when it comes to men, I’m trying to stop doing this). Thank you for this!
Mary Ann – yes!! Finding something else for your masculine energy to do will REALLY help you to stop analyzing and trying to “figure a man out” – which will create the space for men to come towards you!
Love, Helena
I had an experience with a guy on Plenty of Fish that left me kind of puzzled. After a couple of e-mails G asked for my number and he called like he said he would. During the phone call he suggested that we go out on Thursday and that he would call the next evening set a time and place. He said he’d pick a place and I thought that was great! He didn’t call.
That weekend a couple of his e-mails showed up through the site. The first one asked if I was still free to talk that night. The next one said “Are we still meeting tonight?”
So I tried to be light when I wrote back and said, “That’s so weird! Your e-mails just showed up! When did you send them?”
So he said he had sent them days ago and did we want to try again? And I said, yes, and gave him my best evening. Then his e-mails were appearing delayed again. After my last one where I told him what time was best for me, he said he was getting off this site and to just give him a call on his cell if I still wanted to get together.
Do I need to do anything here? He still has my number.
I’m finding that guys feel once I have their number, they expect me to call and initiate some to indicate my interest. But since I am practicing leaning back 100 percent I get the feeling that somehow this communicates that I’m not interested and they leave me alone.
Is meeting them “halfway” at all appropriate? I feel like I’ve driven so many relationships into the ground by being proactive that I’m just going to keep leaning back — but I’m not sure I have the softness part down so that leaning back doesn’t feel like a rejection to a guy.
Christina – great question!! If he has your number, there’s nothing else you need to do. You might want to work on the WARMTH part of the distance/warmth combination since you say you’d like to “have the softness part down.” This could look like saying, “It would feel great to talk to you and match your voice with your photo, I’m available to talk on ________” – and let him take over from there. That’s being warm AND open.
If a man doesn’t take over from there, he likely isn’t masculine-energy enough for you – and that will show up in other areas down the line, so it’s best to know right away if a man can step up and be the initiator.
Love, Helena
Hi,
So decided to write back to G saying,
“I feel a little confused — I was waiting for you to call me! I feel weird when I have to chase a guy for a date. I still feel open to meeting you in person and see if we have a connection.”
He wrote back saying he had been especially busy, and then wrote something that felt good to hear: “I would still love to meet up. You don’t have to chase me. I’ll chase you. Let me call you next week after 6 and we can chat for a bit and set something up.”
Even if he doesn’t call it felt like a small victory to express myself and *not* hunt him down and feel like I have to make things work.
Thanks, Helena!
Hi Christina, I met a guy on POF that was very similar. He contacted me ended up ringing me and we contacted on Facebook. There were a few texts and one gave me the idea that he was open to a phone call anytime. So I contacted him after a few days of nothing from him. As we talked he said something about us meeting and I stupidly told him I was free on Sunday. Nothing, so I blocked him on Facebook and never heard from him again.
Oh Christina…
Your return text was AMAZING!!! I also met my current guy on POF as well who has managed to rise above the proverbial “text fray (for the MOST part).” However, my previous online romances were WROUGHT with a barrage of texting that often left me confused and at a loss for words…the RIGHT words. In hindsight, my masculine energy would go “through the roof” as I would be PISSED that these so-called “grown men” relied SO heavily on a medium that I feel is for “cowardly expression and ultimate avoidance.”
At any rate, THANK YOU for giving me clarity on how to be warm and open by using these “feeling” statements as opposed to possibly shutting a man down with a vibe that likely gave my to my chronic frustration and irritation with this whole texting thing.
Niqui T.
Woodbridge, VA
Sorry folks…
Point of Clarification
…shutting a man down with a vibe that likely gave WAY to my chronic frustration…
Niqui T.
Woodbridge, VA
Niqui,
I’m glad to hear you’ve found a guy above the “text fray” (great phrase!). This kind of immature (or clueless?) behavior from guys seems to be a really common problem among my friends who are online dating. That fellow, G, never called liked he said he would, and, I have say, I have already forgotten all about him! That fact that he disappeared from my thought when he didn’t “lean in” is another good sign to me that my focus on guys is getting a little less intense, and that I’m moving forward with the expectancy of finding a connection that feels easy and effortless.
Christina