Here’s a short excerpt from my eBook, “Attract The Man You Want.”
Many women have this perception that what men really want is a woman who’s giving and nurturing, and who takes care of his every need.
The truth is, men are “production junkies.” They feel good when their producing energy is being thoroughly used up – for men, this is insatiable.
Most women aren’t aware of this because for us, we usually have a “cap” on what we want to produce in a certain amount of time, and then we want to take a break to recharge so we don’t burn out. It’s not the same for men.
What masculine energy men really want is to make YOU happy – and they LOVE playing the role of provider and producer, even in small ways.
Men are addicted to “fixing” things and solving problems. Their biggest desire is to be with a woman who allows him to do things for her – a woman who’s able to RECEIVE what he has to give!
We need to be aware that men really shine in that role of provider and producer – and make sure that we’re allowing them to fully embrace that role and be that kind of man for us.
You don’t want to be ripping men off of their favorite role! When you start to take over some of this role, you actually end up pushing men away on a very deep, unconscious level.
The reason why so many women feel so burnt out is because they’re doing and doing and doing – they’re going against what’s most natural to them, which is receiving. Production is the opposite of receiving.
Many women take on a lot of the masculine “doing” energy in the relationship – and then build up resentment around that without even realizing it.
If you’re overfunctioning or “doing” more than what feels good to you, men often won’t know. Since men do what they want to do ALL the time, they assume that we do as well! They believe that if you’re doing something, it’s because you want to do it.
So many women are afraid to let go of “doing” and ask for help. A common belief is that if we allow someone else to do something for us, they’re going to think we’re weak or have some sort of judgment about it.
Another important thing to remember is…
Acknowledgment and appreciation are the “fuel” that men run on. Men want to know that what they do makes you happy!
If you let a man know what feels good to you through appreciation, the right man for you will be more than happy to keep doing it!
Men are always wondering how they can make women happy – and even the most masculine-energy men need a little guidance with that at times (I’ll show you exactly how to do this in a way that brings him CLOSER in a later chapter).
This is NOT about changing who a man is, or molding him into some sort of robot who’s only there to serve you. Nagging or controlling are obviously BIG turn-offs to men. It’s about letting a man know all the things he does that make you happy through appreciation and acknowledgment of him.
Men CAN’T fall in love when we’re giving to them – they fall in love when they’re giving to US.
When you demonstrate that you can receive from a man and allow him to play his favorite role of provider and producer, that’s when a man feels the most connected to you and can REALLY fall in love.
You’ll be the most attractive woman in the world to a man if you allow him to give to you and play that role. Men will flock to you when you learn how to do this – try it and you’ll see!
If you’re ready to build the kind of deep attraction with a man that inspires his love, devotion and life-long commitment – click here to learn more about my eBook, “Attract The Man You Want.”
Thank you for this reminder! I used to have such a hard time receiving what my man wanted to give me. I’m convinced this was what fueled our most serious break up! Now I can smile and say ‘yes, please,’ when he offers to do something for me. Even if it’s something I can do for myself (and possibly do better!) I’ve finally found a place inside me that can shelve MY EGO and ALLOW myself to receive his love. I am not living with my man, but twice a week (at least) he cooks for me. He serves my dinner to me, with a glass of my favorite wine. He clears the table and washes the dishes. What, you may be asking yourself, am I expected to do in return? I finally figured it out, with Rori and Helena’s help.
I am expected to BE PRESENT and APPRECIATIVE. That is all he wants. I smile, I say ‘thank you,’ I talk with him while he’s preparing the food (unless he sends me out of the kitchen to take a hot bath or relax in front of the TV)
Last night he told me, “I don’t know what’s changed. Our relationship has just evolved into something I can’t get enough of.”
I just smiled. I know what’s changed, it’s my attitude toward myself 🙂
Amber – That’s AMAZING!! It’s so true, being present with your man and showing appreciation is all the giving back you need to do. It’s such an attractive and rare thing for a woman to be able to do those two things instead of overfunctioning and giving to HIM (which ends up blocking his love and pushing him away) – it’s no wonder he can’t get enough of you now!
Love, Helena
I love this, Helena! Words to live by!!! Now that I’ve been actively practicing these things, I can really confirm that it works! No, it doesn’t feel effortless to me (YET!), it doesn’t feel “natural” (because I’ve been stuck in the reverse pattern for so long)…. and still, it WORKS, and that’s what matters the most. Receiving, leaning back, showing respect and gratefulness and appreciation… this can awaken the Man in any guy!
And it doesn’t have to be big and important things. I just remembered what happened on a recent date I went on. We were walking in a park, and I had a small water bottle. My date offered to carry it for me, and I managed to not jump to my instinctive answer (which would have been something along the lines of “don’t be silly, it’s just a water bottle, it’s super light, I can totally carry it mysel!”), and instead just smiled and thanked him. He took VISIBLE pride in carrying that small water bottle for me, and when I playfully appreciated him for being such a gentleman, he said, in a serious tone: “Well, yes. I am, if I have someone to be a gentleman with.” In the light of this article, his words ring SO true!
So thanks for the reminder, Helena, and thank you for showing us the path!
Hi Julia,
This is AWESOME and exactly how it works!! I’m so glad you’re experiencing how quickly these tools can work in your love life. I promise once you get them “down” with practice it will get much easier and start to feel more natural!
Love, Helena
What does it mean if the guy actually resents YOU not giving to HIM? This was the issue in my last relationship. He liked leading and winning me, he was very masculine in his pursuit , BUT once we were in a relationship he pulled and pulled for me to take care of him. Mothering, and giving…it was so hard for me not to revert back to boy energy but i hung in there until he broke up with me saying i needed a guy who could be there more for me. I am so sad and confused bc all i read here, and on other blogs is how much men want to step up and care of us. To be honest, i felt a hint that he really wanted me to take care of him all along. Are there some men out there looking for this? Or is it always the woman who is creating the dynamic?
Hi Lily,
This is a classic sign that he was not the right man for you. The important thing here is to not beat yourself up, because you didn’t do anything wrong! This man was just not the right match for you. The RIGHT man for you will want to stay in the masculine role while continuing to build intimacy with you as the relationship escalates and deepens (even after he “has” you!).
Love, Helena
Hi,
So I was dating someone and he has 2 kids and a complicated divorce.
I was not fully aware of how complicated it was but plans kept changing, he would suggest dinner and he had to postpone due to the kids, or he would change a sleep over to a one hour lunch date and we ended not seeing each other for 2 weeks.
It definitely made me anxious because in the past I have had men pull away this way but he was trying to see me. I just felt really bumped that I did not get to see him and I told him when plans changed, I may have expressed that a little too much making him feel like he was letting me down a lot, and it made me uncertain of his interest level. I realize as he said that some of it is out of his control and even though I said your right and of course I understand that. I appreciate all your effort and I do want to see you for a lunch. Of course!
But after that he just pulled away, he told me that he feels like a failure, he is not showing up for me, he can feel that I doubt him, and he is worried about his ability to be in a relationship all the sudden with his divorce being finalized and not being good enough for me. I assured him that he is not a failure, he makes me happy, I would be sad I did not have him in my life, that I definitely wanted to spend more time with him and he had said summer would be easier and that I was looking forward to that. I also got scared because I told him I can’t tell if your wanting to end things which he denied. But ultimately he had some many doubts all the sudden, was not sure he wanted to continue this, but also was not sure he wanted to end it. I told him to take some time, I care about you, I definitely want to continue this, and I see a genuine potential with you but it sounds like your unsure.
I left him alone for a week. Talked to him a bit and we spoke on the phone, he said he was still feeling bad and down, his divorce just making him feel really bad and not able to give very much right now. (its like me expressing some disappointment really triggered this divorce thing too). I told him I did not want to give up but I am trying to respect his feelings and boundaries but of course I like him and I see something with him. He said he enjoys my company, the connection, conversations, he thinks about me, our friendship too and he can see himself continue what we started maybe in 1 month or so once he is finished with his divorce and can start fresh. He is not giving up either. But it sounds like he is asking for some space right now. He said Id like to check in with each other, and we can have a conversation if that gets to be too much for you.
I feel like I have made him feel like he is not doing enough, but he does make me extremely happy. I tried after to tell him how I appreciate that he shares his life with me and the things he does to stay in touch but he said he felt like he hadn’t actually done a lot to stay connected.
What can I do to make him see that he makes me happy in this current situation and give this a chance? We both said we felt something special we had not felt in a long time.