If you keep choosing the wrong men – or you find yourself more attracted to men who keep you at a distance – you’re not alone! This is very, very common.
This has to do with what we’re used to, what our experiences were early in life, what our caretakers were like, and what’s happened to us.
We can start to develop this comfort zone – where we’re more comfortable with a man who isn’t 100% there for us than we are with a man who IS 100% there for us.
Or we’ll find a man who’s 100% there for us, but he’s super needy and clingy – and we can’t stand that either.
If you’re stuck in a pattern where men stop calling after a few dates, it may be because you’re attracted to men who aren’t going to be into you for the long haul.
And if you’re anything like I was – if a man shows up who’s just loving you to death – you’re so turned off to him that you want to throw up!
We’re always trying to find ways to beat ourselves up – and when we’re beating ourselves up, we either attract men who aren’t going to love us, or we feel turned off to men who ARE going to love us.
When this happens, deep down we’re wondering why anybody would love and accept us for exactly who we are.
We’ve all felt this way at some point. We’ve all had experiences we wish hadn’t happened. We’ve all given ourselves to men and ended up humiliated. We’ve all been hurt.
Some of us have even endured physical or emotional abuse. When that happens, it gets “stuck” inside of our bodies and we can actually end up looking for more abuse! It’s a complicated cycle that’s based on our old experiences.
What’s happened to you in your past is guiding you – and what’s getting in your way is thinking that your history is your destiny!
Have you ever found yourself worrying that what’s happened in the past is what’s going to happen in your future? That if men have hurt you before, they’ll hurt you again? This is the story we’re telling ourselves.
We’re telling ourselves this story because we’re afraid. Intimacy is scary – deep down on some level none of us want to be intimate because we think we’re going to merge with the other person, and the same time we WANT to merge with the other person. We all have this inner conflict going on.
What’s helpful here is to realize that we’re all in the past. Every time you look at anything – a dress you have in your closet or a piece of furniture – what you see is the sum total of the experiences you’ve had in your life related to that particular object.
Look at the objects around you right now – everything has a feeling to it that has something to do with the past. In other words, we can’t even see a dress or a chair without having a feeling about it based on our past experiences.
Every time you see a man, he’s going to engender the exact same thing.
Start catching your pattern around this – notice when your perception is coming from past experiences, and see if you can start seeing things in a new way.
Circular Dating will help you tremendously with this – because when you get yourself in front of many different types of men, you start to see your patterns. You start to make connections around what kind of men you’re attracted to.
What’s important here is learning how to be PRESENT – by really getting curious and asking yourself, “Who’s in front of me right now? Why is he showing up – what message does he have for me?”
Your history is NOT your destiny in love – it doesn’t have to be. Looking at your own experiences this way is a great way to shift your vibe so the right kind of men for you start showing up!