Here’s a question from Tara about independence and self-esteem in relationships.
Hi Helena, I feel like I’m always falling into becoming dependent on a man in relationships, and I end up getting too invested and pushing him away. It seems to be related to my self-esteem, what can I do about this? Thanks! – Tara
Tara – this is a great question! Many women fall into a pattern of becoming too dependent on a man, which ends up pushing him away.
A lot of people talk about the importance of being independent – but what does that mean, and how much independence is necessary for success in relationships?
In my opinion, you need to be 100% independent as a woman. That means you can take care of yourself, and you’re not looking for (or depending on) someone else to meet your basic needs.
Urgency and desperation come about from a feeling that your own “boy” energy can’t take care of you.
A man doesn’t want to feel that you’re with him because you NEED something from him. It’s this energy that will push him away.
Generally speaking, taking care of yourself financially and physically is YOUR job.
The second you start leaning on a man to take care of you for food and shelter, you’re in danger – and you’re likely to get a very controlling man. The good news is…
You can have one part of your life not going well (and we’ve all been there) – such as your health or finances – but you can still feel good about yourself!
Have you ever met a woman who’s life seems to be a mess – and yet she just has all the self-acceptance in the world?
This is the way I want YOU to treat yourself! We can actually learn a lot from women like this.
A woman like this just thinks she’s the greatest thing since sliced bread – you might look at her and think she’s a basket case – but she always has several men chasing after her.
She attracts every man in her path BECAUSE she thinks she’s the greatest thing since sliced bread!
Instead of going through your list of what’s “good” about you and what’s “bad” about you – I just simply want you say to yourself, “I’m perfect exactly the way I am!”
Rather than trying to change yourself – try focusing on finding out who you are, enjoying yourself and loving yourself.
When things aren’t going well in your life or in your relationship – you likely want to turn all the blame onto yourself. I know how hard this can be, BUT…
Turning all the blame onto yourself won’t work! It creates a whole vibe around you that a man can FEEL.
The moment you start to blame yourself, feel disappointed in yourself, or beat yourself up – that’s when you need to STOP, take a look at what you’re doing to yourself, and try to perceive the situation differently.
That in itself is a major change! This is what’s going to shift your vibe and keep a man coming towards you – rather than blocking his love or pushing him away.