If you find yourself attracted to men who aren’t right for you or who always leave you heartbroken, you may be placing too much priority on “chemistry” – which can really hold you back in your love life.
You may have heard this quote before: “When we’re faced with something that’s familiar versus what we truly desire, we’ll choose what’s FAMILIAR to us every time.”
For those of us who haven’t had easy love lives – where love equals obstacles, struggle, or pain – that can be a big problem! How you learned what love IS early in life may not be in alignment with what you truly desire now.
When a man feels familiar to you, you’ll often get that feeling of “instant chemistry” – which comes from your subconscious.
The intense obsessive feelings that often arise out of instant chemistry do NOT equal true love, even though they can create an addictive “high” that may FEEL like love.
A man might feel like “home” to you, but this instant chemistry that gets activated can actually highlight what you DON’T want in a relationship – especially if you have a pattern of attracting and being attracted to men who aren’t good for you, or who keep you at a distance.
These particular feelings about a man come from our subconscious mind, which doesn’t make judgments about what’s good for us and what isn’t. The prefrontal cortex is what makes decisions about whether or not something is in our best interest.
Our subconscious doesn’t do that – it can’t tell whether something is healthy or unhealthy for us. Our body and mind are committed to homeostasis and survival – and if you’re alive, it’s because you’ve survived what’s happened to you in your past.
Our commitment to survival has our subconscious programmed this way. So when you’re faced with with something that’s familiar versus something that’s not familiar – since you’ve survived your past, your subconscious wants to say “you’ve survived this” and you’ll feel drawn to what feels familiar to you.
This is why we can feel very attracted to men who we logically KNOW aren’t good for us – such as men who are unavailable, toxic, or have addiction issues – but sometimes the “chemistry” we feel for these men takes over, and we get involved with them anyway.
If you’ve had abuse in your background, your feelings of “chemistry” can be hooked up to this and will play out the same way.
If you’re constantly chasing rejection, or constantly chasing men and trying to prove yourself to them, and you end up creating the same kind of patterns over and over again – it’s probably because you’re putting way too much attention and priority on “chemistry.”
When you have a pattern of getting fixated on a person who doesn’t want you or doesn’t love you (I know I sure did!), there’s a message about yourself you need to learn there. As soon as I got that message, I was done – and I didn’t need to play that game anymore.
For now, ask yourself this question: Do you want your IDEAL relationship with someone you may not have met yet, or do you just want this one man who doesn’t want to be with you?
If what you want is your ideal relationship with someone who’s crazy about you and would never dream of leaving you, you have to work on turning around these patterns and actually changing what feels familiar to you.
The good news is, this is definitely possible (I did it myself)! That’s what this work is all about.