Couple in love - happy relax at homeOne of the best ways to attract the man you want – or the man you’re already with – is to be in your feminine energy when you’re with him.

That’s why understanding the difference between masculine and feminine energy is crucial.

Masculine energy is all about doing, thinking, planning, scheduling, and making decisions.

Men DO good to feel good. Believe it or not, giving and nurturing are also masculine traits – they involve taking action.

A masculine-energy man goes after what he wants, and asks his partner how she feels about it. A good man will take your feelings into account when he’s planning and making decisions.

A man will usually be able to feel right away if you’re open and receptive to him – or if you’re going to go “competitive” on him.

What masculine-energy men really want is to make YOU happy. One of their biggest desires is to be with a woman who’s able to RECEIVE what he has to give!

It’s important to keep in mind that acknowledgment and appreciation are the “fuel” that men run on. Men want to know that what they do makes you happy!

Feminine energy is all about being, receiving, allowing, experiencing, and expressing.

Women FEEL good to do good. A feminine-energy woman receives first – and if it feels good to her, she’ll show appreciation.

When you’re in your feminine energy, you’re leaning back, observing, and letting yourself just BE in the moment – rather than always trying to move things forward or “make something happen” when you’re with a man.

A feminine-energy woman gives back, but she isn’t always the one who initiates the giving. This keeps her in the feminine receiving mode, which is INCREDIBLY attractive to men!

You definitely don’t want to do away with your masculine energy completely – this is actually about ramping up both your masculine and feminine energies.

You want to use your masculine energy in work and in your OWN life, and then be in your feminine energy when you’re with a man.

When you start taking over some of the masculine role in the relationshipby always being the one who initiates contact with a man, asks him out, drives to him for dates, pays for the date, or constantly offers unsolicited help or suggestions – that’s often when men can start to feel less attracted and connected to you.

Many women are giving and “doing” too much without realizing it, and resentment can start to build when they feel like they aren’t getting enough in return (or if the relationship isn’t moving forward as quickly as they’d like).

Constantly giving and overfunctioning can actually come across like mothering or micro-managing to a man – and it ends up pushing him away on a deep, unconscious level. 

If you’re always leaning forward and giving too much and a man starts to get comfortable with that, you’ll lose that feeling of him wanting you. The truth is – men value what they have to work for – just like we do!

Feminine energy is extremely powerful – it’s about being open and receptive, while having boundaries at the same time.

Saying “no” to something that doesn’t feel good to you is a very feminine-energy quality!

Many women are afraid that setting a boundary will turn a man off – but the truth is, a man can’t love and respect you any more than you love and respect YOURSELF.

A man will fall head over heels for a woman who knows her value and puts her OWN heart first.

Shifting into your feminine energy when you’re with a man takes some awareness, but once you try it and start to get incredible results, it will start to feel much more natural.

When you lean back and demonstrate that you can receive from a man – and show a lot of appreciation when he gives to you and makes you happy – that’s when a man feels the most connected to you and can REALLY fall in love.  

If you want to build the kind of deep attraction and connection with a man that inspires his love, devotion and commitment, click here to check out my eBook,“Attract The Man You Want.”

    21 replies to "The #1 Way To Attract The Man You Want (Or The Man You’re With!)"

    • Shahrzad

      Learning lots from your awesome blogs and newsletter. Being in my feminine energy is becoming more and more natural. It feels great. Thank you 🙂

      • Helena Hart

        Hi Shahrzad,
        That’s fantastic!! I’m so happy to hear you’ve been learning a lot and that being in your feminine energy is feeling great and becoming more natural. I’d love to hear about how things continue to go for you!
        Love, Helena

        • Brenda

          Hi helena my name is brenda
          I have my boyfriend but I feel he very distance with some times i feel he is not the same guy I meet. How di make home forget other.women i be the only one for him

      • Deanna Rae Williams

        Feels Wonderful and Exciting pure delight?

    • Rachel

      You wrote “A feminine-energy woman gives back, but she isn’t always the one who initiates the giving.”
      how do we know the right amount of giving back? Can you give some examples?
      Thanks Helena!

      • Helena Hart

        Great question, Rachel! It’s all about how it FEELS to you – so if a man has been giving to you and doing something for him would feel good to you (such as cooking him dinner if he’s taken you out on several dates), that’s great!
        We can just get into trouble when we give to a man when we’re coming from a place of “lack” (such as when we want MORE from him) or we’re trying to make something happen in the relationship – I call this “giving to get.” When we give from this place it usually feels terrible, especially if the man doesn’t do what we were hoping he’d do – and this energy pushes him away on a deep, unconscious level.
        Love, Helena

    • Suzanne

      I love this Helena.. in my past relationships Iv had to take charge.. as I was afraid they weren’t responsible enough. My new guy is so responsible I have to learn to lean back like you said. Is it to masculine to say first in texts.. ok you go now.. or you better go it’s getting late?? Or should I wait for him to say those things? I’m so used to taking charge. Thank for any suggestions.

    • Meg

      Not allowing the sweetest man who pursued me to give to me truly hurt him. He was offering me everything right away and I got scared. Especially after he kept giving himself to other women when we were out together and telling me he invited them over. Why was he doing that? He found an older retired woman and gave her everything which she happily received because he is a very good man and has proven to be very faithful to her. When I lived in another state he was the sweetest. When I lived 10 miles away he ignored me most of the time. I was very confused and thought we were through. On occasion he would text me a picture and tried to restart our long distance relationship again which I was very happy to do. I loved being with him and missed him. But he refused to visit me 8 hours away when he could have as I often did for him. That hurt me. I moved back near him and he happily invited me over to work things out. I learned that he was back actively on a date site and actually saw him unexpectedly on a date with a beautiful younger woman who didn’t return his affection and I went to see him with this extremely confused fear & awkwardness. I was very nervous and spent 5 hours waiting for him to talk about us. Well he prepared a meal then watched a boring movie while sitting next to me awkwardly and constantly checking his phone. He finally said he had things to do before bed since he has 5am work I well know. As he walked me to the door he barely gently hugged me which confused me more. I returned a much more intensive hug and he began to kiss me. We obviously didn’t want to part. He asked me to stay for sex which I refused since we had not worked things out nor established anything exclusive etc. So he walked me to the door and said we’ll do this again and watched me drive away. That was my last chance with him. He found the older woman he’s now with, that night on a date site probably as I drove away. That was 2 years ago now. I’ve not met a sweeter man. My question is, I don’t understand what happened. I was there yet someone else stole his heart. Why do I still miss him?

    • Kim

      What do I do when the man compliments you a lot and is great in the bedroom, makes plans and txts more than calls. Then on the day of a planned date he doesn’t call with any time or information, doesn’t reply to txt msgs and ghosts you for a couple days. So confused

      • Vasda

        You leave him. He just sucks and he’s not a good and suitable type of boyfriend. He’s just playing with you, having a great time for himself only, without truly caring about you. Don’t waste your time on guys like him, who doesn’t RESPECT you. It’s the first and most important thing! Look for a guy who is NOT confusing, who will respect you and will want something SERIOUS with you. When you’ll find such a man, you’re gonna KNOW he’s the one for you. Guys who respect a woman and want something serious with her are NEVER confusing. Don’t settle and don’t think he’s a man of good potentials or that he likes you, because he probably doesn’t! Just don’t waste your time with him, and keep your eyes and your heart open for someone who will respect, honor and love you, and will always be there for you, no matter what. Good luck! 🙂

    • Harley

      Love you #helena hart you make my heart feel good again because my ex man as disappointed me for so long..
      Keeping promised without fulfilled
      Now, I’ve learn how to get him back to u?Helena

    • Namubiru shanitah

      Helo my name is Shanitah and am from Uganda, l met my boyfriend on one site but we haven’t meet yet and we always talk and now its one year but he always tells that he will come to mmete but l don’t know whether he is telling the truth coz for me am starting loosing tust in him, ploz help me way should l do and he is always busy year to yearl need help

    • caroline

      I have this guy i love so much and some times he also cares for me. However, he is the kind of person who does not respond to my texts, he rarely calls and does even have time for me. what do i do to bring him close to me?

      • miss buhle

        Just be you baby girl, if he is yours he will definitely realise how much you mean to him. Do not put yourself under pressure, sometimes you might be misreading signs, he might be just friendly on the times when you think he cares about you.

    • Tori

      Ladies, reading your reply’s makes me want to pull my hair out:( If a guy is acting shady in any way. ANYWAY! Pull away and take care of yourself. Focus on you! He will come to you if you are important to him and you should only want to be with someone whom you are important to!!! If he doesn’t come around on his own then someone else will and that is something you shouldn’t compromise on. Not for his sake or yours. Good luck❤️

    • Dianalloyd

      Hi Helena,
      I am disgruntled with what I’m going through. I am a Kenyan and had a guy whom we dated for 5 good years.Since he works in the United States and I work in Kenya, I found myself falling in for a guy to pass time and unfortunately,he learnt about it which really broke his heart and asked me to give him some time but when I asked for how long?, he never says anything.Right now,he came for a one month holiday but he didn’t notify me.I have a married close friend plus her husband whom I happen to introduce to my guy when things were fine and since he came for holidays, they keep going for outings together and my friend and the husband keep telling me about him not having any other woman but told them that he had a meeting with his friends and brothers and they were not happy about everything and he decides to call off everything but he has never told me.
      I tried asking for forgiveness several times but he doesn’t want to talk to me.
      Just here confused and stressed but still love him much. Please advise.

    • Julie Atek

      I had a guy whom we broke up with a month back, reason being I suspected that he was fooling around with me, he did not want to show me where he stayed, he was very sweet and caring when he was around, but when he was far,, he hardly called me or texted me, if I called he made me busy, and if I texted him, I received no reply…I decided to let go, days back he texted me asking for forgiveness where he went wrong and wished me a happy life, but never asked me back… But Am confused, does he still love me? Or not? What should I do because I still love him.

      • Tania

        Not sure I totally get the feminine energy thing honestly. Have always been the tomboy type tho. Have more fun n joy out of power tools than make-up lol. And am trying to start a relationship with the 1st man that I have ever truly felt love from or loved by nor ever had to question his loyalty, motivations, intentions, and know he will/would/does truly have my best interests at heart! I know that my independence and survival methods have caused me to de-masculate some guys in my past. Don’t want to do that with this guy and am terrified of my personality flaws destroying this relationship! Have some issues from life (c-ptsd, anxiety, depression, n etc) from an insane childhood with mom, (so my NYPD cop of a grandfather raised me from a young age). Nvm the trust issues, self esteem issues, n other insecurities or flaws life has thrown at me lol. Don’t get me wrong, I know what I want, my worth, value, what I can build with for the right guy n etc. He does know some of the bad side of me, n understands y some of the baggage I haven’t quite gotten dealt with is still lingering. But wouldn’t mind learning the feminine energy thing. Know I can intimidate n de-masculate guys without intending to, and REALLY want this 1 to stay! Thought I’d check into any and all that may improve those chances if possible lol

    • Madeline lavalle

      Helena I have a serious problem with my boyfriend Danny Fenton we were so happy together until one day I started cheating and lying and he reported me on messager and we’re apart from each other so what can I do is there a text a love poem a song or a letter of apology to him cause I really want to know before he gets another girlfriend cause I’m really worried and anxious

    • Sunshine

      Hi Helena
      I have been going out with this guy for about 7months. He is a Virgo and I am a Capricorn so the charts were great for us in terms of predication of compatibility. He is a mechanic and works very hard, he works late into the nights and early hours of the morning. I am a nurse and I see him every evening when I finish work . I pass by stay with him at work till he finishes work and sometimes we make love, sometimes we don’t and we go home separately. We text each other when we are safely home and say good night to each other

      In the beginning I asked him when he was going to take me home, he said soon, he kept saying that so I stopped asking, but he has never taken me home. He has mentioned the area he lives in but we have never been to his house. I have met a lot of his friends at the garage and we all chat and have a laugh,. I have also met his cousin at the garage who commented that he was waiting for the wedding bells. I have also met his 15yr old daughter but I am not sure if she is aware I am going out with her father. All his are all aware I am his girlfriend, he is sometimes tactile in front of his friends and I feel he likes me been around. He fixes my vans for me when I have a breakdown and is very helpful in that sense I have invited him home but he has not taken it on. He texts me every morning and we communicate via text through the day.
      He is very much into sex and gets animated when we talk about sex on text, he is always wanting to talk about sex on texts and sending me pictures and videos about himself either with hard on or playing with himself, I also do send him nude pictures without our faces showing in the pictures

      We don’t go out anywhere apart from socialising in the garage, he is always working and I am always working as well. He gets very jealous and blocked me on WhatsApp because I went home after work and did not come and see him, he did the same thing when one of his friends mentioned he had my number- I sell stuff so I give my number out to customers, I explained it to him and he was fine.

      He appears to have a temper and will not talk to me for days when I make comments like you don’t look too tired the night before,. and will not talk to me for days. He recently will not talk to me for days because he said he was finishing at the garage early and had all sorts to do and I asked him what sort of things he replied saying what the hell are you asking that for and don’t fucking make me fucking upset. I was quiet shocked and he refused to talk to me for days, later on discussion he mentioned that comment makes him feel like I am his mother, he appears not wanting to apologising for anything and tends to shift the blame on me even if it is his fault.

      This has gone on for a while and when we made up, he asked me to come and see him and I told him I will prefer to meet out of the garage and it will be best and will feel happy if we go out for a drive. I went we went to sit in his parked van and then he drove the van back to the garage with the intention of making love to me. I then said to him aren’t we going for the drive , he said he was too tired, and I said to him I will drive, he said what is a drive and where are we driving to . I said anywhere I just love to you to take me for a drive and we spend time together talking, he tried to make a move to make love to me and I was resistant a bit and he became angry and said that was fine, drove me to my car. I asked him why he was angry , and he said he was fine, I explained to him that all I wanted us to do was to talk and make love later and told him that I never asked much of him and was quiet surprised that he could not do one thing that I ask of him to take me for a simple drive. He said he had only 2 minutes left and he had to leave so I left his car and sat in my car and drove off

      I have realised that he does not want to talk about anything deeply and on reflection realises that I don’t know much about him. he does not also appear very interested in what I am doing , coming to see me at work or wanting to know in depth about me. The things that I know about him are things said during conversations when his friends are around.

      At the moment we are at a stalemate due to the above , so not sure but I have a niggling feeling that maybe this guy is just using me, he does not say much and he is a difficult character, even his friends comment about that, he is known to have not spoken to his close friend for 2 years over a very minor issue- I was told this by the friend, he is a complicated character and his friends say to me if he did not like me they do not think that he will entertain me and they believe we have something, but they also describe him as an oddball and very difficult person to deal with

      I am at loss, not sure what we have going. I will not mind if we discuss it and I know where I stand. I can handle it . I just need clarity. I wonder weather its worth my while

      Thank you

      It has been very therapeutic writing this down


    • Chelsea Krolicki

      this was SO GOOD i could read/learn about this all day youre so wise and inspiring I love nerding out on femme/masc dynamics thank you for sharing!

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