I hear from women all the time who have a pattern of falling for men who keep them at a distance, or who always seem slightly “out of reach.”
These are the the type of men who always keep them guessing, or who give them enough attention to keep them “there” but not enough to truly make them feel happy and secure in the relationship – and it never seems to move forward towards a REAL commitment.
If you have a tendency to fall for the wrong men for you – or for the ones who always seem slightly “out of reach” – giving that up to have the relationship of your dreams with the RIGHT man for you takes a leap of faith.
It takes trust that you can move from what feels “familiar” to you into the unknown. Every person who’s in a fantastic relationship at some point had to step out of their comfort zone into the unknown (myself included!).
I remember always feeling attracted to men who kept me at a distance because deep down this is where I felt safe.
There was no risk of true emotional intimacy with these men, which is what kept me “stuck” on them even when I wasn’t getting everything I wanted in the relationship.
When you’re with the right man for you, you’ll feel grounded and balanced. You’ll always know where you stand with him because he’ll make it clear with his ACTIONS that he wants to be in your life – there won’t be any “games” or back-and-forth behavior.
You won’t feel obsessive, unbalanced, or uncomfortable in any way. You also won’t feel that crazy sense of urgency or LONGING that often kicks in when you’re with someone who isn’t fully committed to you, or who always feels slightly “out of reach.”
Those feelings are often clues that this man aligns perfectly with your childhood “wounds” or fits right in with your old relationship patterns that haven’t worked out for you in the past.
When you’re with the right man for you, everything will feel easy and comfortable – you won’t feel urgent or “off-balance.”
We experience fear and excitement in our body in the same way – the only difference is our inner dialogue.
For people who haven’t had easy love lives, or perhaps have even experienced abuse in their past, these two feelings can often get mixed up – and the feeling that SHOULD come across as fear actually comes across as excitement.
The intense obsessive feelings you get when you’re with a man who fits into your old relationship patterns is often a fear response from your subconscious telling you that this isn’t the right person for you.
The intensity in and of itself doesn’t equal true love – even though it can stir up feelings in you that may FEEL like love to you.
Instead, the intense feelings are often linked to something in your past. For example, the feelings of instant chemistry you can feel with a man who isn’t going to be into you for the long haul may be linked to your lack of self-acceptance.
To start turning this around, you can ask yourself – what parts of yourself are YOU not accepting that’s causing you to attract (and feel attracted TO) the type of man who’s not accepting you or fully committing to you exactly as you are?
Once you get that message, you’ll no longer feel the need to stay connected to that type of man, and that “pull” towards him will start to fade so you can move forward towards the RIGHT man for you and the relationship of your dreams.