What Getting Caught Up In "Chemistry" Does To Us

Instant chemistry blows away our best interest sometimes – it messes with our “man-picker” and it works against us.
We tend to choose chemistry over the whole package. 
Chemistry alters our perception and causes us to attach meaning to things that are often inaccurate. For example, if we feel instant chemistry with a man, we may assume that he’s available and that he wants a relationship with us – the same kind of relationship that WE want.
This can lead us down the path of creating a whole fantasy in our heads about someone who we know very little about.
Have you ever found yourself obsessing over why a man isn’t calling? Ever analyzed why a man hasn’t followed up after a date? Do you replay conversations over and over in your head, wondering what you could have said differently or done better?
If he’s not paying attention to you, rather than making you want to move towards him – what if his lack of masculine action toward you TURNED YOU OFF? What if it caused you to get bored and lose interest?
What if you could hook up chemistry to when he’s acting loving and wonderful – and moving towards you? The good news is – YOU CAN! I know you can.

You can save yourself from SO much anxiety by simply becoming an observer of what a man DOES.

Men are very simple – they do what they WANT to do, ALL the time. If they’re attracted to you and interested in a relationship, they’ll contact you and ask you out. If they’re not into you or not looking for a relationship, they won’t.
In other words, nothing means ANYTHING unless he’s actively pursuing you. Stop attaching meaning to the chemistry you feel for a man unless he’s showing you with his ACTIONS that he wants to move things forward. This will make things SO much simpler for you!
Reading into everything a man says or trying to “figure him out” is a useless waste of your time and energy. It also creates a whole vibe around you that a man can FEEL – it does the OPPOSITE of attract him, it pushes him away!
You can take all that energy you’ve been using to try to figure him out and use that energy to make YOURSELF happy and create an amazing life for yourself! This will shift your vibe and turn you into a MAGNET for men!
Unlike the superficial kind of “instant chemistry” that makes you feel off-balance, REAL chemistry is something that develops over time – when you build intimacy with someone and feel SAFE with them.

3 thoughts on “What Getting Caught Up In "Chemistry" Does To Us”

  1. Girlfriend,
    You are SO on point it’s ridiculous! I met my guy online about two months ago. The “chemistry” was admittedly unlike any we BOTH ever had. We’ve even talked as long as 13 hours — which I have assigned meaning to as well as other things he has said over the course of this whirlwind.
    Problem is…in the last month while he has been “chasing the dollar”, he has begun to withdraw and be disrespectful. I’d “let go” quite a few things he has said in the past chalking it up to his “in your face”…New York-style of just saying ANYTHING. However, when he flipped out on me via email several days ago — something in ME switched OFF. I realized that NO ONE in my world speaks to me in the disrespectful manner that he slips into often enough for — in my opinion…no apparent reason. I also realized that I have shyed away from calling him on MOST of his foolishness in an effort to “keep the peace” AND “preserve the relationship.” I’ve been holding on to him saying early on that he wanted to build something REALLY “unique” with me and that he told his Mom that he just wanted to buy a nice house, marry me, and live a quiet life. Notwithstanding, after realizing that his “going off” — albeit not ALL the time, but often enough — is a PATTERN of behavior, I had to CHECK MYSELF…
    So here I am…on Day Six of not speaking to him — trippin’ that he has not called (We spoke ALL the time before the last month when he tried to break-up with me which is a whole ‘nother…story.
    Here’s the burning question though…
    Am I doing the right thing by cutting things off at the knees? He has TEXTED (which I absolutely HATE), but not at all about “us”…really just trying to prove his point about his current biz venture and basically attempting to rub my nose in his budding success as he is under the impression that I was trying to dissuade him from moving forward on a particular piece of his biz — which is TOTALLY not true. 
    Just so you know…we HAVE spent time together in person TWICE. The first time he came to my state for 4-days and once (just before he tried to break-up with me) in where he lives several states away. Quite honestly…he “performed” BOTH times — and I’m being kind by describing his behavior THAT way! LOL
    I look forward to your take on it because even as recently as TODAY — he has texted me requesting my address so that he can send me something — that would ultimately benefit HIM and his new business venture if I wore it. Guess I’m not supposed to figure out that he now wants to use me for FREE advertisement. This wouldn’t have been an issue before 6 days ago, but he hasn’t even so much as called to say “Hello…you okay? or Dog…are you living?” I’m irritated NOW because he’s evidently trying to reduce this relationship to a “textship” — which at 47 — I’m not feeling at all! I’ve not responded to even ONE of his texts because as far as I’m concerned, he owes me a HUGE apology for his little “performance” last week. My patience has run thin with “overlooking” his incessantly rude and insensitive behavior. So until he actually picks up the phone and calls offering SOME sort of acknowledgement about his behavior — I honestly have NOthing to say to him! Now, unless there’s a serious Act of God — this will likely NEVER happen because he NEVER apologizes for anything. Despite the fact that I’m in love with this man — and if my hunch is right about him and this IS the case…I’ll be happy to “keep it moving.”
    What’s YOUR take???
    Niqui T.

    1. Hi Niqui,
      GREAT question!! Since SO many women can relate to this, I’m going to write a whole new blog post around the importance of Accepting or Rejecting his behavior – rather than Tolerating it. The fact that you felt “turned off” when you received an email from him that didn’t feel good to you is AMAZING, and shows that you’re definitely on the right track!
      Love, Helena

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