In the last post, I shared a letter from someone who’s letting go of a man who suddenly disappeared without warning.
In this post, I’m going to give you some steps to help you emotionally detach from an ex – or from any man who’s not “stepping up” in the relationship.
Letting go of a man who’s no longer “there” – or who isn’t giving you all the love, attention, and affection you deserve – is the first step to creating the space to attract the RIGHT man for you (who will never disappear)!
Hope is the first thing to enter a relationship, and it’s the last thing to leave.
If you’re trying to get over an ex or any man who’s not “stepping up” – it’s time to let go of that part of you that really wishes that if things could be different, or if you could only be “enough” – THEN he would love you and everything would work out.
When we’re feeling strongly attached to someone who doesn’t seem to be reciprocating our feelings – we tend to think that love “must come this way” or “look like this” or “come from this ONE person.”
This ties back to how you learned to receive love in your family of origin – and it’s what your subconscious uses to create that spark of attraction – it’s the template through which you’re moving through the world and telling yourself that “love feels like this.”
The truth is, love is so expansive that we can’t even begin to grasp the limitlessness of it! Love is limitless with limitless expressions.
For example, when two people have a baby and then they have another baby, that second child ADDS more love to that family – it doesn’t take away from the love they have for the first child.
Love just grows and grows – it’s limitless to the point of where our minds can’t even GRASP it’s availability to us.
When you get “stuck” on someone who’s not giving you all the love you deserve – you’re not serving yourself.
Deep down there may be a part of you that thinks, “If I could just GET this man to love me, that would heal me.” Or, “If I could just change this part of me that he doesn’t like (or that I don’t like), then he would love me…”
The truth is, that’s not a game you’re ever going to win. Even if you did manage to change that part of you – in situations like this, it still wouldn’t work. There would always be SOMETHING that’s holding him back.
Once you get to the place where you KNOW this isn’t the right man for you and it’s time to let him go – here are some logistical things you can do to “get him out of your system”:
Delete his phone number and email address. Un-friend him on Facebook and other social networks. Set up your life so that you can disengage from him. If there’s something in your house that reminds you of him, get rid of it.
That part of you that wants to get love from this man won’t want to do this – and you may feel a lot of resistance.
There’s also an energetic and emotional piece to this – here’s what you can do if you still can’t get him out of your head:
1. Look for the “message” that this man had for you. Everyone comes into your life for a reason – they’re showing up as a “mirror” for you to learn something deeper about yourself.
What did you learn about yourself through this relationship? How can you grow within yourself to move past this man towards the man you’re SUPPOSED to be with?
For example, maybe he showed you a glimpse of something you’re looking for in a partner. Or perhaps he was waiving lots of red flags and you missed them because of the chemistry you felt for him – and now you’ve learned not to do that.
2. Write him a letter that you’re never going to send.
Write out all the things you learned from this relationship in the POSITIVE sense – such as, “I’m thankful that you came into my life. This is what I learned about myself and about relationships because of you…”
When you discover the “message” that this man had for you and what you learned about yourself – that “pull” towards him and that longing will start to fade.
You’ll start to feel gratitude instead, and you can release him. Once you gain the learning and the “message” – it will make it easier for you to let go of him and move forward with your life.