get-over-himWe’ve all experienced what it feels like to be hung up on or attached to a man who’s no longer “there.”
Perhaps you can’t stop thinking about your ex or “the one that got away” – or you’re beating yourself up because you think you messed up or did something wrong to push him away.
The reason why people still feel attached to “the one that got away” or the unrequited love is often because they think they want that PERSON back. What I’d suggest as an alternative is that they want that FEELING back. 

I’ve heard many women say, “It was so amazing at the beginning, I felt so loved…” – that’s the feeling we all want to experience.

When you separate the FEELING from the PERSON, it usually clears your perception and makes it easier to see why it didn’t work out.

When you take a look at whether or not he even met your needs and requirements for a real relationship, it often makes it easier to walk away from the “fantasy” of it. You’ll come to understand that the feeling is separate from the person.

Take an honest look at why he may not have been the right match for you – look at your needs and “non-negotiables” and ask yourself if this person even met them.  

It’s important to understand that NO man is your “last chance.” You have SO many opportunities ahead of you, even if it doesn’t feel that way right now.

You could choose to recreate your past over and over again by lamenting in regret and remorse – or you could draw a line in the sand and say, “The past is the past, it brought me a lot of blessings and life lessons – and now I’m making a choice to do my love life differently.”

It can be easy to get hung up on the guilt, shame, frustration, and pain. Making peace with those feelings will help you to move forward.

It doesn’t matter what’s happened in the past, you can always make a choice to approach your love life in a different way starting right now.

When you start to trust yourself and you step back into your own power – when you love, accept, and approve of yourself – you’ll have a whole new standard for the kind of person you want to be with, because now YOU’RE of value to you.

You know what you’re bringing to the table, and you’re no longer willing to sacrifice what you want in order to hold on to this one person who’s no longer “there.”

If you could choose right now between this one person with whom you know what you’re going to get – struggle, pain, or uncertainty – or if you could have your IDEAL relationship with someone you haven’t met yet, which would you choose?

This is a helpful question to ask yourself if you’re still feeling attached to someone who’s no longer “there”or who was maybe never even there to begin with.

The only limitations on what you can have are within YOU.

If you feel that you can only get love from this one person (or one TYPE of person), you’ll feel the need to do whatever it takes to earn or keep their love because you might not ever feel that way about someone again.

What you want is an even MORE amazing feeling with someone who’s committed to you and committed to creating a life together – where there’s no question about their loyalty, their availability, or their desire for a relationship with you.

The only way to create that kind of partnership is to feel whole and complete within YOURSELF. It all starts with you.


    2 replies to "Do You Still Feel Attached To A Man Who's No Longer "There"?"

    • Christina

      This is a very helpful post, Helena. Even though I’m circle dating quite a bit, I can feel my thoughts drifting back to my ex in those moments when I feel like the guy in front of me doesn’t feel like a fit, or doesn’t seem to stepping up or showing interest in anything beyond a first date. i keep wanting to “help” these guys take the lead. Sometimes when I’m leaning back on a date I realize I’m actually replaying in my mind the times my ex – who “isn’t there” – made me feel like a prize.

      • Helena Hart

        Christina – I’m glad it was helpful! We tend to “replay” all the good things about an ex or an old relationship, and at the same time repress the bad (or the things that made him NOT a good match for you, like the fact that he’s “not there”). This is especially true in those moments when you’re missing an ex, or feeling like no one else is measuring up. That’s a good thing to keep in mind and catch yourself if you find yourself doing that.
        Love, Helena

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