How To Stop Subconsciously Sabotaging Your Love Life – Part 1

How To Stop Subconsciously Sabotaging Your Love Life – Part 1


If dating feels like a challenge to you or you’re struggling in your relationship, you may have some subconscious beliefs that are keeping you from getting the love you want.

We hold all of our beliefs at a very deep level, and most of the time we’re not even aware of them – it’s just “programming” that came from early in our lives.

We carry these beliefs around with us into our relationships and the way we relate to men. 

Many of these beliefs served to protect us when we were young, but now as adults they’ve become maladaptive if they cause us to push love and good men away.

You may really want something consciously (such as a committed, fulfilling relationship) – but if your subconscious mind is scared of real intimacy, it will start looking for ways to sabotage things.

When your subconscious mind is afraid of what might happen, it will find a way to keep you “safe.”

One type of subconscious belief that many people hold is that they’re not lovable – or that “someone like them” can’t find love or be loved for who they are (this was a big one for me!).

If you have the belief that there’s something wrong with you or that you always mess up your relationships, you’ll never move out of your comfort zone into the life you want.

If this is true for you, you want to work on turning that around by telling yourself a different story – that you ARE lovable exactly as you are!

Some common fears that many people hold in their subconscious mind are the fear that they’re not good enough or the fear that they’re going to get hurt again – or that things aren’t going to work out because they haven’t worked out in the past.

Looking into the rear view mirror this way brings those bad experiences of your past into the present moment. 

We as human beings are always in reaction to what’s happened to us in the past, such as the last man who broke your heart.

Your subconscious mind doesn’t know the difference between what’s “good” and “bad” (or what’s healthy and unhealthy) – it only knows how much energy and attention you’re giving to something.

Click here to read Part 2 of this post, where I explain exactly how to do this.

If you’re ready to turn your love life around by installing NEW beliefs that will attract the love and relationship you desire, click here to check out The Feminine Art Of Attraction.

5 thoughts on “How To Stop Subconsciously Sabotaging Your Love Life – Part 1”


    On July 22,2016 l got back together with my 1st husband who left me and our 3 little children to live his life going from woman to woman and doing his lustful life. Telling me he had changed from doing all those forbidden things. We have been together since 2016 and he keeps telling me he is ED but he has been premiscious with younger women since we got back together. I am lucky to get 2 kisses and 2 hugs a day but he tells me he loves me and wants me to stay with him. It makes me crazy.

  2. Hi,
    It’s not just a fear; I am scared almost to death.
    I have been widowed since 1977. My husband shot me 3 times, then killed himself. I raised my 3 kids myself. Never even thinking of trying again. Well now I’m 65 yrs. old & very lonely. I think I intentionally mess things up. I have dealt w/most of the repercussions of my past except the fear of trying/succeeding. Any advice or ideas? I am a very young old lady. I don’t want much, just to have someone to play with. If no suggestions I understand. (No hard feelings) This is the 1st time I thought of asking
    Thanks for your time

  3. I became a widow after 45 years of a very happy marriage. In August 2018 My husband died after a six-year illness and I was his only care giver tell he became bedridden during his last three months of life.
    My husband was absolutely amazing. I never feared that he was cheating on me or that he would even consider it. He was a sweet kind husband and a fantastic father. My biggest fear is I will compare every man to him and in my heart I don’t think anyone could ever compare to him.

    I am extremely lonely and my five children tell me mom it’s time for you to start dating. But I don’t think any man could ever make me happy again. I tell myself when you’ve had the best there’s nothing left. I think mentally I convince myself that there will never be another sweet kind man, so why even try. But in my heart I’m very lonely and I would love to go out and eat dinner with the gentleman once again. I do desire the attention of a man his arm around my waist and holding my hand in public. But I can’t seem to make myself leave the house long enough to even meet anyone. I attend a small country church that was our church. And I am the only widow or single person there. Is it just too soon for me to even consider it Or am I sabotaging my own future?

    I am 67 years old and told I don’t look anywhere near my age. I am Short and somewhat petite. But I feel no man would ever take a second look at me. I tend to talk nervously when I am in public because I am alone all the time except for church or when my family comes to visit. I tend to be quite comfortable here with my hobbies and my crafts and my little dog. But they do not feel the loneliness of my every day life. I want to go out to dinner or to the theater and be seen in public. But this is something I could never do alone.

    1. Margo, please check out the local online social groups for your zip code posted on Search and join the free groups that match your interests. There are usually Dining groups as well as social groups that offer a variety of fun things to do posted by age ranges ie ‘Over 50/60’ and ‘single again’ groups. You will only need your first name and zip code and be offered how far out you want to search for groups. It is much safer than online dating. There is no cost to join; you pay for only what you buy ie theatre ticket, dinner, etc. I’ve been a member for 10 years and love it – totally changed my life. You may find new interests that you hadn’t considered.

      We had a woman in her 60’s never married, lived with her parents until they died – she was extremely lonely. Kathy learned to ride a bike with us! Went from riding 1 mile 3x/wk in Spring to nearly 40 miles by the end of Autumn – changed her life and her health!

      I know plenty of couples who met at events and are now married. Perhaps your children can help you search meetup.

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