Should You Ever "Lean Forward" In A Relationship?

Attractive couple looking eachother against the skyOne question that women ask me all the time is, “When is the right time to lean forward and reach out to a man, or should I always be leaning back?”

I always say that most of the time, you want to be leaning back in your feminine energy. The man leads, we follow.

But the great thing about this is – if you’re feeling super confident, like a total goddess who could have any man she wanted – you can do anything! It’s your VIBE that a man is picking up on.

So if you’re at a place where you’re feeling so secure that you’re not at all attached to the outcome, you can really do anything you want.

However, most of us are not always at that place. That’s why I suggest bringing it back to “zero” and leaning back 100% of the time, until really have the experience of a man’s energy coming towards you.

You want to get really comfortable leaning back and RECEIVING from a man before you even think about leaning forward.

Often what happens is, we can delude ourselves into THINKING we don’t care about the outcome, just because our urge to lean forward is so intense that we want to talk ourselves into it.

I remember always wanting to text an ex who I was still feeling very attached to. I would say to myself, “I’ll just send him a text, I don’t care if he texts me back or not…” and I would text him. Then I would lose sleep obsessively checking my phone every few minutes to see if he had responded.

If I didn’t get the response I was hoping for, I felt terrible. I obviously wasn’t at a place where I should be leaning forward like that.

That’s why I always tell women to bring it back to “zero” – you can never go wrong by leaning back.

What you want to do is reprogram your brain to where leaning back starts to feel completely natural – and it will, once you start trying it and getting incredible results!

You can’t push away the right man by leaning back. If he’s a masculine-energy man, leaning back will make him feel more attracted to you and compelled to move towards you.

So you don’t have to worry that you’re going to lose him or that he’s going to forget about you – when in doubt, lean back.

However, if you’re feeling super confident and secure and you want to experiment, you can try leaning forward in small ways.

Don’t do it while he’s working or if he’s watching TV or busy with something – that’s NOT the time to lean forward or try to “get his attention.”

But if you’re sitting with him and you want to experiment by reaching over and touching him, try it. If that causes him to move away from you and it doesn’t feel good, just reign it in and continue leaning back.

So you can experiment in small ways if you’re really at a good-feeling place and you’re wondering how the Energy Exchange works.

The important thing here is to get in touch with where you’re coming from when you do this.

If you’re coming from a place of “lack” – where you’re wanting something MORE from him that he’s not giving you right now – that’s definitely not the time to lean forward.

That’s the time to lean even FURTHER back and get into your feminine energy – your receiving mode – and focus on yourself and what’s right in front of you, not on him.

So if you haven’t heard from him in awhile and you’re starting to feel anxious, that’s not the time to lean forward and call him up or text him.

The only time to lean forward is when you’re feeling super confident and secure, and when you truly don’t care about the outcome – meaning if you don’t get a positive response from him, you won’t be devastated. Then you can experiment with the Energy Exchange a little bit.

If you want to build the kind of deep attraction and connection that inspires a man’s love, devotion and commitment, click here to check out my eBook, “Attract The Man You Want.”

10 thoughts on “Should You Ever "Lean Forward" In A Relationship?”

  1. I’m trying to get through 3 weeks of not contacting an ex that I’m still attached to. I just made it through my first week (woot!). I can feel myself cycling through a lot of different emotions: sadness, feeling resigned that there is no relationship unless I initiate, not caring at all, feeling anxious, feeling cared for, feeling forgotten….
    I’ve been recording what happens each day and how I feel about it. When I look over my notes I see that not only has my ex initiated contact in ways that he hasn’t done in a long time but three *other* men from my circle dating have been initiating contact as well. And that’s just from Week One! I have one date scheduled and another in the planning stages.

    1. Christina – that’s AWESOME!!! It sounds like you’re in your feminine energy “receiving mode” and the men are stepping up! I’m so happy to hear that! I LOVE how you’re tracking your feelings and writing everything down too, this should be an amazing learning experience for you.
      Love, Helena

  2. Excellent lesson, feels good to read it again and again and keep it in mind. It’s all about agenda… Thanks Helena!

  3. I learned from doing this that my ex (who I’m still getting over) would go WAY too long before coming toward me for my comfort and happiness. I was starving for affection and contact by the time he felt the need. He shared that I was the love of his life and that he is just that way. I finally gave up bc I wasn’t going to lean forward! It took al long time to get there bc I’d read this stuff and think, given he was definitely a masculine energy guy it must be he’s not into me. The truth was our needs were different and he was perfectly happy. I think you can mislead women here in portraying that he will be all over you if he’s masculine energy & you are in your feminine. It is a very good experiment though to lean back. It tells you a LOT if you’re strong enough to try it!

    1. Hi Lily! I’m answering because your comment felt familiar, and I felt triggered. First of all, I’m sorry your ex wasn’t able to give you the kind of affection and connection you need. I’ve been through that with my own ex, and with other men—and after working though the pain and changing my mindset (with Helena’s help), I now understand that it doesn’t make them bad men, it just makes them… not the men for me. Sometimes there really is no compatibility.
      That being said, and without making you wrong, Lily… may I ask: have you made your needs known to your ex? Clearly and… measurably? If the guy IS masculine-energy and he says you’re the love of his life tha maybe, just maybe… he didn’t know what and how to give you what you need? I’m asking because I’ve been through something similar.
      When I wasn’t yet exclusive with my current boyfriend, I felt the same, like I needed more frequent contact than he initiated. At some point he went 8 (eight!!!) days with absolutely no sign (because he simply didn’t need any contact with me during those 8 days). I did manage to lean back and not message him, and when he finally texted me, I shared that I had been feeling anxious and insecure (and a bit worried), and that it feels yucky to feel that way. And a few weeks after that when we became exclusive, we had a little “negotiation”, when I said that I need to hear from him at least every three days (we changed it to every other day now that we’re closer). And I also told him how much communication I need (which was actually less than he would have suspected/feared; “A kissy smiley face is enough, anything else is bonus; I just need to know you’re thinking of me, and that provides security and good feelings for me”). Yes, it felt terribly awkward and vulnerable and even silly to put it like that, and… it just worked (and if I remember correctly, Helena also support clear communication of our needs somewhere on this blog).
      By telling him what being in contact means to me (how it feels/what it provides for me, and by explaining exactly just how much and how often I needed contact), I made it easy for him to give this to me, and I guess it changed his concept of “contacting Julia”, from something that he does when he felt like it, to something that he does consistently because he knows it makes me happy. For me, that’s beautiful and romantic (though many women would disagree and say that “if he doesn’t feel like doing it, it doesn’t matter”—but that’s in the same family of misconceptions with expecting mind-reading…).
      Lily, this is just meant as an opinion (and Helena, I hope I didn’t overstep by slipping into teaching mode on your blog—forgive me if I did). Good luck to you!

  4. Julia – thanks so much for jumping in and sharing your experience here!! I love what you said to your boyfriend and it obviously gave you a great result.
    In fact, Making Requests From Your Feminine Energy is one of the Attraction Builders in my eBook and can really bring your man CLOSER when done correctly, if he’s the right man for you and you’re a good “fit” in terms of what you both need and what makes you happy.
    It gives him a real chance to step up and make you happy, and gives YOU a lot of really valuable information as to what your man does when you share your feelings and what you need with him. For example, does he step up or does he dismiss your feelings?
    Expressing yourself in an honest, authentic way and not coming from a place of “lack” is the key here.
    I go into this in much more detail in my eBook and Effortlessly Attract Love Program (as Julia knows), but here’s a quick overview in case anyone’s interested:
    Love, Helena

  5. Wow! It feels amazing to reread my comment from 2 years ago when I was still struggling to let go of an ex and compare it with where I am today — being engaged to a wonderful man who is such a perfect fit for me.
    It wasn’t until 4 months after I wrote this post that I had the courage to speak my emotional needs to my ex. He very quickly saw that his sort of showing up was not helping me at all and agreed to cut off contact.
    It was six months after that that I met my future husband. By that time, after circle dating and learning how not to become invested in a man until he was stepping up, I was fully comfortable expressing that I felt better if the man initiated contact and dates and he just ran with it! This has been by far the easiest relationship with the deepest emotional connection.
    Helena’s ebook is great for learning how to be more aware and how to build real and lasting attraction.

    1. Christina – yay!!! I wanted to jump up and down with joy when I heard about your recent engagement to such a phenomenal man!
      You’ve come SO far to completely turn your love life around, I’m so impressed with all the progress you’ve made (and thanks again for sharing your story in my “3 Keys To Attract The Man You Want” Audio Training – I know what you shared about your experiences with these tools was so helpful for everyone!).
      Love, Helena

  6. Hi Helena, I love your work and positive vibe
    I hope you can help me. I am feeling confused with my current relationship. My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and things were great. He is masculine and always lead the relationship forward, called, texted, and made plans and I always let him and leaned back a lot. He broke up with me because he said he wants me to call sometimes, step up with making plans, he felt disconnected when we didn’t see much of each of because he was busy working. We have since got back together but I agreeded to meet his needs now he is holding back and not coming forward as much and not as adoring.
    I read in your blog that the right man who is masculine would not lose a woman for leaning back and not initiating as much. He knows I love him.
    What is your thoughts and advice on my situation? What should I do?


Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Scroll to Top