I recently asked several women about their biggest frustrations in dating and in their love lives.
Many of them expressed that they go on a lot of first and second dates, but are struggling to move past that into the “relationship” realm.
I could definitely relate, I’ve been there myself! If you’re finding yourself in this situation, the first thing I’d have you do is take a look at your current dating patterns.
First, I’d recommend that you keep your first few dates with a man SHORT. If your first couple of dates are long (2-3 hours or longer), it may feel great at the time – but then you may find that men start calling less or “get busy” after a few weeks.
If this is happening to you, you might want to try keeping your dates shorter at first. Your first date especially should only be about an hour at the most.
Just because you’re having a great time doesn’t mean you should extend the date another couple of hours. It actually means that’s when you should end the date – not that you want to end it abruptly, but you definitely want to leave the date on a high note.
What a man will remember most is the last moment of the date and the last feeling you leave him with.
So if you were having a great time for 2 hours, and then the energy started to die down and you were getting a little tired – and it sort of fizzled out at the very end – that’s the part he’ll most likely remember.
The same is true for phone calls – even though you may want to keep the conversation going for an hour, try keeping phone calls to about ten minutes or less.
When your intuition tells you that the conversation is winding down, that’s the time to say that you’ve enjoyed talking to him and that you have to get going.
The best kind of relationships develop over time. If your first few dates are several hours long – or if you tell a man every single thing about yourself during the first few phone calls or dates – there’s less mystery and intrigue.
This isn’t a “game” or a “strategy.” It’s about leaving the space open for him to find out more about you, get to know you, and pursue you.
It’s about creating intrigue and letting your life story unfold slowly – which means you’ll be creating chemistry and building intimacy over time.
Next, see if you’re bringing your “day” or “work” energy into your dates. For example, are you doing anything to get yourself into your feminine energy before dates – or are you just rushing through your day, trying to squeeze your dates into your busy schedule?
Try making the time to do some sort of “ritual” that prepares your for a date – something that puts you in your feminine energy and makes you feel fantastic.
Light some candles or put on your favorite music when you’re getting ready, imagine how you’d like the date to go – whatever feels good to you.
If you tend to go on a couple dates with a man but it doesn’t go beyond that, you may be “in your head” or fast-forwarding to thoughts of the future, instead of just BEING there and enjoying the moment.
If you’re in your head on a date thinking, “Are my friends going to like him?” or “Could I introduce him to my family?” – you’re in your masculine energy, rather than in your feminine energy.
Being in your feminine energy would look like being genuinely curious and really listening to him, slowing down the tempo of every moment, being present and really intuiting what’s going on around you.
You also don’t want to spend the whole date looking for reasons to disqualify him or get rid of him. Try staying in the present moment and being open to the “message” that this man has for you, even if you don’t think he’s “the one.”
We all know whether or not we feel attracted to a man – but if you’re looking to create REAL chemistry and build intimacy on a deeper level, you want to be in your feminine energy and in the present moment when you’re with a man – rather than thinking about the past or wondering what’s going to happen in the future.