Here’s a short excerpt from my eBook, “Attract The Man You Want.”
I’ll never forget talking with my mentor Rori Raye about this shortly after I became a relationship coach – it’s still one of the best pieces of relationship advice I’ve ever gotten!
Every time you look at a man, you have a choice in that moment. You can think about something you’re lacking – something you’re NOT getting from him – or you can think about something you LIKE about him, or something he does that makes you feel fantastic. That option is yours!
Many women choose to come from a place of LACK – whether they’re conscious of this or not – because most of us were somehow raised to wallow in pain and then “rise above it.” We’re often INSPIRED by our anger or our jealousy.
For me, this was especially the case with the “nice guys” who wanted to love me – I was always looking for reasons to “disqualify” them.
When you’re coming from a place of LACK when you’re with a man – it comes across as needy – and he’ll start to feel like whatever he does, he can never make you happy.
This can cause a lot of damage in a relationship – it ultimately makes a man feel LESS attracted and connected to you, and it pushes him away.
When it comes to relationships, we’re often in a place of judgment, defensiveness, and attack – without even realizing it! Deep down we tend to think that if we’re not complaining or attacking, we’re going to get hurt.
When we’re coming from this place, we’re actually REPELLING love. When we’re actively judgmental or attacking, we start to sink into a malaise in our heart where we feel unworthy of love because we’re unwilling to be loving.
Deep down you may equate being loving with “giving to get.” You may think you’re being loving towards someone – but if your motivation is to GET something from them in return, that’s not loving.
That’s when love can feel UNSAFE – because what you’re experiencing isn’t love, even though you may have been taught that’s what love is. Love isn’t trying to “get” anything – love IS everything! It doesn’t lack.
Next time you look at a man, try thinking about something you LIKE about him, or something he does that makes you feel cherished and adored.
This will instantly shift your vibe and bring him CLOSER by making him feel more attracted and connected to you!
If you want to learn exactly how to do this, step-by-step – to build the kind of deep attraction with a man that inspires his love, devotion, and commitment – click here to check out my eBook, “Attract The Man You Want.”
4 replies to "How To Bring A Man CLOSER Instead Of Push Him Away"
Amazing advice, sooo true!!! And your e-book is fantastic, it’s made a big difference with the guy I’m dating and I’m feeling great! 🙂 Thank you!
Thanks Carrie!! I’m SO glad it’s been helpful and that everything is going so well for you now!
Love, Helena
Hi Helena!
I absolutely love this reminder:
‘Love isn’t trying to “get” anything – love IS everything! It doesn’t lack.’
I think that as well as reminding ourselves of this, we should remember that many of our men believe that love means ‘giving to get.’ My rubber-band man (soon I’m gonna have to stop calling him that, he hasn’t pulled back significantly in months!) certainly believes that in general, women, “give to get.” I don’t, and can honestly say that I never really have, so this part of loving is easy for me. What was less easy was the (seemingly) endless patience required to convince (T) that the proverbial ‘other shoe’ was never going to drop. His bad experiences were so hard-wired into his system that he absolutely couldn’t believe I just love him because he makes me feel great. After two years he’s finally relaxing into the realization that HE IS ENOUGH. We spend a lot of time in Rori’s program (rightfully so) reminding ourselves – I AM ENOUGH. By following Rori’s Rules we can also make our men feel that they are enough.
Amber – this is so true! It’s great to hear about all the phenomenal work you’ve done on yourself and in your relationship, and that these tools have helped your man to stop “rubber-banding” – that’s exactly how it works!!
Love, Helena