Here’s an incredibly insightful article by relationship expert Evan Marc Katz. He works exclusively with smart, strong, successful women.
Evan’s full efforts are spent helping women just like you understand and connect with men. I think you’ll love what he has to say. Enjoy!
I’ve got a few questions for you that will show you a completely different way to approach your love life:
Q: How many times in your life have you been in love?
A: Two? Three? Four?
Q: How many of those relationships lasted?
A: If you’re single, the answer is zero.
Q: What percentage of men are cute, successful, smart, kind, funny, compatible AND emotionally available for a long-term relationship?
A: According to most women, about .00001%.
Q: What percentage of those men also think YOU’RE cute, smart, kind, funny, compatible and emotionally available for a relationship?
A: Not enough, and rarely the right ones.
When you look at all of these things together, you may wonder how ANY relationship gets off the ground.
To the naked eye, FAILURE is the default setting in dating.
Now, to be clear, I’ve “failed” a LOT in love – which is why I’m not too fazed by failure. You shouldn’t be, either!
Given that 99% of men are definitely NOT your future husband, getting upset when this proves to be true is like getting upset that you didn’t win the lottery. Yeah, it’s unfortunate that you “lost,” but it’s also quite predictable.
That’s why I want you to write this down right now: “It’s not ‘real’ until you’re in a relationship with him.”
A cute photo, a winning profile, flirty emails and text messages, an incredible first few dates, intense chemistry, mind-blowing sex – NONE of these things mean you’re in a relationship.
It’s not that you’re “wrong” to get excited about a promising man – it’s that, in 99% of instances, it’s premature and you’re likely setting yourself up for heartbreak.
That’s why it’s important to not get too emotionally invested when it comes to a guy with “potential.”
Start getting excited when he’s taken his online dating profile down, met your family, and started making plans for your future together.
The other bit of perspective I’d like to provide is that your last guy’s disappearance shouldn’t be all that disappointing!
Sure, you felt disappointment. It’s hard not to take things like that personally. Except for two facts:
1. This wasn’t personal.
2. You didn’t lose your future husband, so why be disappointed?
Although the last guy may have initially pushed for a relationship, he likely ended up having second thoughts.
Your last man’s flaking doesn’t mean he’s a bad guy – it means he leapt before he looked. He shot first and asked questions later. He overpromised and underdelivered.
He may have been so enthusiastic about you at first that he was oblivious to the fact that he wasn’t really ready to commit.
There’s NO value in beating yourself up about what you did “wrong.” You didn’t do anything wrong!
There’s also no value in lamenting what “could have been.” The right guy will come along soon enough – and he will certainly NOT disappear!
But the only way for this to happen is for you to let go of your fear of getting hurt, let go of your frustration at the men who disappear, and embrace the unknown of the dating process.
In other words, if you give up on dating and men entirely, you won’t meet anybody! If you persevere, an even BETTER man might show up next week – and never want to leave.
The only thing you can do when things go wrong in love is to keep going!
If you need a push in the right direction, I’d highly recommend checking out my eBook, “Why He Disappeared: The Smart, Strong, Successful Woman’s Guide To Understanding Men And Keeping The Right One Hooked Forever.”
In a matter of MINUTES, you’ll be able to let go of the pain in your past, learn how to choose a better man in the future, and understand what men are thinking for the rest of your life.
I’ve created a special opportunity for you to learn more about how men think – why they don’t come back after first dates, why they don’t want to commit, and why they bail on your relationship.
I put together an amazing, one-of-a-kind package, filled with bonuses that will give you SO much insight into the male mind. With that knowledge, you can stop agonizing over the failed relationships of your past, and start creating an exciting new future!
2 replies to "The One Thing You Need To Learn To Stop Getting Hurt By Men Forever"
Wise article! And ahhhh, I have actually been thinking of the whole “being excited by promising men” issue. I attended a career event recently, and I noticed that I was feeling slightly attracted to one of the guys there. And I also noticed that he fit my pattern: smart, intellectual guys who talk a lot and with confidence and distinguish themselves in a group. Then I noticed with displeasure that I had unconsciously started to lean forward in very subtle ways (congratulating him for a particularly insightful thing he did, asking him something and so on). Unfortunately, I was starting to build my good old pedestal for this guy. I stopped in time, and still, it got me thinking… I still don’t know exactly how to avoid being enthusiastic and attracted to guys like that.
Noticing the pattern and stopping in time is a step forward, though.
Julia – noticing the pattern is a HUGE step forward!! That’s what Circular Dating does for you, it helps identify the patterns in your attractions to men that aren’t truly serving you or men who aren’t good matches for you.
If you practice not “feeding” these old patterns by not giving attention to men who “come and go” out of your life – except for when they’re right in front of you – you’ll suddenly find yourself surrounded by men who are pursuing YOU (rather than the other way around).
Love, Helena