I get questions every week from women who want to know what they can do to get MORE from a man – whether it be more quality time, affection, kind words, devotion or commitment.
In my past I remember always wanting more from the man I was with, so I know how frustrating and painful this can be.
Here’s the thing… what shows up on the outside in your life (especially when it comes to the men you’re attracting) is only that which has been accomplished WITHIN you.
This means that the degree to which you love YOURSELF is the degree to which you love others and others can love you.
For example, if you only love yourself 70%, no one is going to show up to love you 100%. It doesn’t work that way.
The other side to this is… a man is only going to be able to love you to the degree to which he loves HIMSELF.
For example, if a man only loves himself 20%, you’re only going to get 20% from him.
If you don’t learn to get the love you’re seeking from INSIDE yourself first, you’ll just keep projecting your desire to find that love outside of you.
Some people who have a huge capacity to love end up projecting all that love onto people who DON’T have huge capacities to love.
They’re giving all their love to everyone else but they just keep getting hurt – it’s as though they’re taking all their love and throwing it down a bottomless pit.
Does this sound familiar? If so, here’s how to start turning things around…
First, look within yourself and find the parts of YOU that are feeling sad, “lost” or rejected – and entertain them practically and lovingly.
Next, ask yourself: What makes you feel loved, safe, supported and understood?
For example, if you’re looking for more appreciation in your relationship, do you appreciate yourself enough? If you’re looking for more commitment, are you fully committing to yourself and your OWN life?
It’s so important to “amp up” your own relationship with yourself – and accept, embrace and love ALL the parts of yourself. Once you do that, different people and better experiences will start showing up for you!
When you tend to the relationship with yourself, it can transform the relationship you’re in IF the other person has the capacity to love themselves as well.
However, if they only have the capacity to transform 5%, that might not be enough for you now.
I hear from women all the time who are hooked on men who aren’t able to love them more than 20%, but once they learn to love themselves they actually become bored with those men and lose interest – they don’t feel that “charge” anymore.
This is exactly what happened in my love life. Once I realized my own worth and value, I stopped feeling this need to “prove” to myself that I was lovable by trying to GET that love from a man (especially the type of man who wasn’t freely giving me the love I wanted).
When we pick partners who aren’t fully able to love and we try to “get” them to love us, we’re trying to prove to ourselves that we’re lovable on a deep, unconscious level.
Sometimes when a man like this does love you and you get that 20% from him, it feels incredible – but then when you get hit with the other 80% that isn’t capable of love it feels terrible.
The “highs” and “lows” of a relationship like this can be emotionally exhausting (I know this because I’ve been there!).
You can think of every man who shows up in your life as a “reflection” of where you’re at in your relationship with YOURSELF.
When you stop looking outside of yourself for something that only YOU have the power to provide, different types of men will start showing up – high quality men who are capable of giving you the love and relationship you want!
When you want “more” from anyone – whether it’s more love, more affection, more time or more commitment – it’s a big clue that that’s what you’re wanting from YOURSELF.
You have to decide that you’re WORTH that and find a way to give that to yourself before you’re going to get it from anyone else.
When you’re wanting “more” of anything in life, you’re never going to get it from the world or from any other person until you give what you’re seeking to yourself first.