Men don’t analyze the relationship the way we do – it either feels good to them, or it doesn’t.
He’s either “feeling it” for you and moving the relationship forward towards commitment, or he’s not – and the only thing you can do under those circumstances is shift your vibe.
Men don’t TALK themselves into and out of wanting things the way we tend to do.
When a man says that he’s “confused” or he’s “not ready” for commitment – or that he loves you but he’s not IN love with you – he usually can’t put his finger on why he’s not ready for a real committed relationship.
Men often don’t know WHY they feel the way they do, they just follow their instincts.
Here’s what NOT to do in this situation when a man is “stalling” or the relationship isn’t where you’d like it to be:
- Don’t initiate conversations about the relationship.
- Don’t try to get him to remember all the things he said or did at the beginning of the relationship.
- Don’t lean forward and initiate affection (to us this seems so innocent, but to a man it feels like we WANT something from him when he’s at this place).
- No “prompting” or trying to make something happen.
- Don’t make suggestions or request anything of him.
- Don’t try to “get” him to understand how you’re feeling or make him see things the way you do.
When you stop doing all of these things, it opens up the SPACE for a real connection.
It’s not as though you can never do any of these things again – but at this point if he’s stalling or pulling back, you need to get the relationship and the Intimacy Dynamic back in balance and functioning the way it’s supposed to first.
When you stop doing these things and create the space for him to come towards you, if he’s the right man for you he’ll instinctively feel compelled to come closer.
Men need two things in order to commit to a woman forever: They need to feel respected, and need to know that they can make you happy. These are two of their basic core needs.
A man will feel like he CAN’T make you happy when you’re asking him for more than he’s already giving you, when you make suggestions, give him advice or tell him what to do – or when you complain or ask him why he stopped doing the things he used to do at the beginning of the relationship.
When we do these things, we’re just trying to get clarity and understand where he’s coming from so we can “fix” it, get our needs met, and feel more safe and secure in the relationship – but all this does is make him feel like he’s not doing enough and can’t make you happy.
It makes him instinctively want to back up and create more space between the two of you. If a man is stalling or the relationship isn’t moving forward, it’s typically because of one of these two reasons:
- The woman is leaning forward and the space that he needs isn’t there, or…
- He’s not the right man for you.
By asking him why he stopped doing the things he did at the beginning of the relationship, it automatically puts you in a position “below” him energetically.
This is because you’re looking to him as “holding” something that you want (something that he’s not giving you) – it’s as though HE’S holding the key to your happiness – and what you want to do is put that key to your happiness in your OWN hands where it belongs!