How To Ask A Man For What You Want Without Pushing Him Away

How To Ask A Man For What You Want Without Pushing Him Away

Women often hesitate to share their feelings and needs with a man because they’re afraid of coming across as needy and clingy, or they’re worried that it will push him away.

However, by not freely expressing yourself you run into the danger of not having your needs met and eventually building anger and resentment, which is destructive to your relationship.

When done correctly, sharing your feelings, needs and desires with a man will actually DEEPEN the connection and intimacy in the relationship if he’s the right man for you.

Women ask me all the time, “How do I express what I want to a man without coming across as needy or demanding?”

This has to do with making requests from your feminine energy. Being feminine has such a huge power attached to it, especially once you learn how to communicate from that place.

Everyone has the dynamics of both masculine and feminine energy inside of them – and we draw upon each of those energies in different areas of our lives.

Masculine energy is all about doing, planning, thinking and making decisions. Feminine energy is receptive – it’s about being in the moment, receiving, experiencing and expressing.

In order to ask a man for what you want without pushing him away, it’s all about the way you express your needs while coming from your feminine energy.

The basic template is: “I feel __________…” or “It would feel __________…”

Fill in the blank with an emotion – don’t say, “I feel that you should __________.” Keep in mind that men don’t like to be told what to do or what they “should” be doing.

This works best when it’s a POSITIVE emotion. An example would be, “It feels so good to hear from you in the evening…” – rather than, “I felt really upset when you didn’t call me last night.”

This isn’t about manipulating a man into doing whatever you want – it’s about expressing your needs and desires around things that TRULY matter to you.

When a man does what you’ve requested, you want to show acknowledgment and express appreciation. This is the fuel that’s going to drive him in the relationship.

Remember, it’s not about him and what he’s doing or not doing – it’s about YOU and what makes you feel good.

Once you make your request in this way, you want to lean back and watch what he does. Does he take your feelings into account, or does he dismiss them?

If a man doesn’t take your feelings into account – or if he doesn’t want you to feel cherished by him – move on! That’s not a good guy to be with.

A good, masculine-energy man will want his woman to feel cherished by HIM specifically. This is biological.

If you’re with a good man who wants to make you happy – and you make your request but he doesn’t respond to it right away, it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t care about you.

Sometimes it takes a man a little while to get into the habit of doing something new.

If that’s the case, don’t keep dropping hints – make direct requests while staying in your feminine energy. Generally speaking, men are pretty literal and aren’t that inferential – they don’t always “get” your hints.

Don’t make him “wrong” because he hasn’t been doing something – make it about YOU and what you like, and how it feels when you get it. If he’s the right man for you, this will bring him CLOSER when done correctly!

Making Requests From Your Feminine Energy is one of the Attraction Builders in my eBook, “Attract The Man You Want.” Click here to check it out!

29 thoughts on “How To Ask A Man For What You Want Without Pushing Him Away”

  1. Hi Helena,

    I really love this advice. Actually, I keep this tab open in my browser so I get reminded of it every once in a while!

    My question to you is, what do you think of using this knowledge to interact with men in general, and in particular, my friend, or my best friend? Is there a risk of attracting him romantically if I speak from my feminine? Should I pay attention to that and try to talk in a less feely-way to him, to keep things friendly (and not romantic), as they are?

    We already talked about attraction. He’s with someone, I’m with someone, we don’t want anything to happen between us and are happy as is. We already are quite close emotionally and it is very unambiguous, and comfortable so.

    However, as I get to be more myself and in my feminine, I am afraid this subtle balance we have in our friendship, would be put off, if I express more of my feelings all the time.

    Any advice, much appreciated, thank you!


  2. Still not sure how to make a requests to him. How do i ask him or let him know i like it when he opens the car door for me. Not letting it sound demanding or telling?

    1. Smile while U are looking directly into his eyes when he opens that car door 4 U. Also say thank you with a warm voice. X

        1. Bernay Raglievich

          Maybe add that he keeps chivori alive & other men should take notes from him . That he’s someone that can teach other men that.

    2. Ha ha, well just stand out there and say you can’t open the door…. He will come and open it, then you give him the biggest thank-you and express how you felt so special, etc!!!

  3. Charlene Hoffman

    Great advice Helena! Many thanks…I had been dating a guy, just 2 dates and 2 other random encounters. The second to last time I heard from him he declined an invitation to come over for tea. Said he was out of town and would continue traveling the day after, thanked me and blew me a kiss. Last night, after 12 days of no communication I get a Hi I couldn’t respond…

  4. I am in a long distant relationship and it is going nowhere except he is always asking for things and if he does not get by a certain. Time he gets extremely angry. I have been in a abusive relationship and this makes me nervous

    1. Elizabeth Schroeter

      Hi Jane, I hope, by now you have let the man go that you where in long distance relationship. He is using you and this may well be a dating scam, seriously! I was caught up in one and I never actually got to meet him, we Skyped, we talked on ph, txt, emailed. But if I questioned him about his motivation he would be very upset or shocked that I could possibly think he didn’t love me and maybe I was seeing someone else. I was asked for bank details and he wanted me to help him with his business, , he then wanted me to send money to a friend of his and I refused, he got upset and said I’d gone back on my word and if I loved him I would do what he asked. He professed undying love to me within first week of meeting. It is these emails that I copied and pasted into google search that came as romance scam, I confronted him, he came across horrified, these people will never acknowledge the deceit and lies, they will always maintain they are innocent and genuine and love you! I so hope you didn’t loose to much to this person and please know it happens to a lot of women and your not alone. I’m here in Australia and it happened to me. I have now gone on to meet a wonderful man who truly loves me and we have a great relationship not based on me sending him anything other than my love.
      Sending kindest wishes to you
      Elizabeth xxx

      1. Sounds like the guy that said he love me. He said he worked on the boat so he had a son and a very rich father who left him money in England. He professed his undying love for me but when he asked me for money that’s when I knew it was a scam.
        Of course I refuse to send him the money, and he said I profess my undying love to you and now you won’t help me.
        This is a scam sweetheart !!!

      2. Hi. I just saw this and i am currently in a relationship exactly like this. He never asks for money. He has put money in my acct. He did however want a pkg delivered to my hs. I live in Texas. He lives in New Jersey but is from Russia..where the pkg would come from. I keep asking for his address but never get it. We skype, text and talk several times a day. Is this a scam too?? How can i find out??

    2. Jane,
      I encountered a man just like that about a year or so ago. The guy I came across asked me for a phone because his was broken and since he was far away wanted to keep in touch. Supposedly he was on a ship working and was not able to go buy a phone. When I began getting suspicious, I did some digging and found out he was a scammer and from another country. Lose this guy and block him from your email and social media. It is bad news and can cost you more than hurt feelings.

    3. This is an abusive relationship. What do you like about him? This is not what love looks like. Love is kind, patient, unselfish, caring, giving. Love makes you feel great, not stressed. If you will, kick him to the curb and make room for a real man. And take you time, you can’t rush these things.

  5. Its agreat idea, my husband pulled away from me and got another woman with children now , but I kept quiet. No quarrels, but when he turns home, he doesn’t want to support me in any of my personal need, in stead heasks me, don’t u work?

  6. My husband and I are separated for over a year and we agreed to get divorced only for financial reasons. After that he lost his Dad and Mother in same year. I was his Dad’s executrix and handled all of that. We grew further and further apart, he started drinking more than I liked and I asked him to leave – it’s over he said, all we do is fight. I made lots of mistakes .. I want to talk with him and somehow find out if we can get a second chance.

  7. Hi,
    I’m actually in a long distance relationship and this October will be our 4 th year,we exchange video calls and many times I ask when will we meet and that we have over passed dating to begin a new chapter.
    He did introduce me to a few members of his family and he is telling me that I won’t have to wait to long…
    Last year his daughter did mentioned to me how her Dad had repeated heart breaks and is still fearful of being hurt.
    If been with him in good and bad times,he has never been disrespectful to me nor did I ever to him.
    But it makes me a bit scared too.
    I tried to breaking up with him and I saw his depression which also hurt me as a result,so I remain quiet fora few days,rejected 2 of his calls and he suggested that I answer his Calls,do I did and we’re together again
    How can I deal with this,it’s a man who has been decieved over and over again and I can percieve that healing had to be done through loving him and letting him know that the past must be worked on and overcomes.
    How can I deal with him as I did fell in love with him and I know that he loves me and has said it on many occasions.
    How can I get him to know that IV reached an emotional pick where I’m so vulnerable and wants to be with get to know him.
    Can I get some advice?

    1. Whew…honey! I honestly believe this man is using you and feeding off of your sympathy. After 4 years of never meeting, he is definitely hiding something. When two people are in love, there will be an intense desire for intimacy and closeness in the relationship. I’m not necessarily talking about sex, either. If he still has not made the move to meet you and share in that closeness, this relationship is one-sided. It is virtually impossible to love someone with whom you have never met. You are only getting the side of him that he wants you to see. You aren’t seeing him in every day life, and he is painting a picture of himself that he wants you to see. I’d get out NOW! Run away from this man. I am willing to bet you are one of many women in his life, and he is most likely married or living with another woman. That would be the only logical reason as to why he won’t meet you. Have you offered to go to him? If he declines, you should take that as a major red flag. If he can’t have you come to him or he won’t come to you, it is because he is either in another country and lying about where he lives, or he is hiding another woman and can’t get away from them without raising suspicion. How do you even know the people you’ve met are indeed his family? Have you ever sent him money or gifts that he requested? I’m sorry, but he is using you, and you are in a fantasy relationship.

  8. Jennifer austin

    How do I get my man to tell me what he feels about me and is son to love me I feel like he’s son get more love that me

  9. It’s madness out there ladies . After a very painful breakup I tried on line dating . Met someone but it’s been a month now and he shows no sign of asking me out?

  10. Debbie Beamsley

    All rhe scammers work from the same script. They are single fathers doing it hard, some are fisherman , some are soldiers or what ever. They all love you deeply and very quickly. There is always a money issue. They may even try to loan you money to throw you off guard. Then they ask for it back with unbelievable interest rates. Ot they are coming on a plane and have money problems. Never buy them plane tickets. They never arrive.. be smart and check them out. On internet. They are usually using the names of dead people and have the law chasing them. Its easy to find out.

  11. I have been talking with this guy since March of this year. I have meet him a few times and I really like him. When he says things I am not happy with, what is the best way to say something about it. I am not one to argue, but i also don’t want to have what was said taking up space in the back of my head and building anger about it.

  12. Good advice. But i’m not clear i wanna meet him so how to make him to meet me without asking …. i told he that i feel like i wanna see him. But he didn’t give me positive answer. 😥😥

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