3 Unconscious “Personas” That Keep You From Getting The Love You Want


get-over-himWe all have protective mechanisms programmed in our subconscious mind. Many of these mechanisms served to protect us when we were young, but now as adults they’ve become maladaptive if they cause us to push love away.

Here are three unconscious “personas” that get in the way of real love and intimacy:

1. The Protector

The Protector is your masculine energy trying to protect you, it just doesn’t always go about it in the best ways. If you’re single, this can look like not giving anyone the time of day, or rejecting everyone who’s interested before they can get close to you.

If you’re in a relationship and you have trust issues, you may have a “Detective Persona” (one example of The Protector) that will snoop around in your man’s phone or email when you’re feeling insecure. There’s already this projection that you’re going to be cheated on or rejected.

2. The Controller

The Controller can be obsessive, judgmental, aggressive, or may want to get someone dependent on YOU so that they won’t leave you.

An example of this is “The Giver” – which deep down believes that if you give enough your partner will become attached to or reliant on you and do what you want. Over-giving and overfunctioning actually comes from a need to try to CONTROL the situation.

3. The Survivor

The Survivor will put up with just about anything because they think there’s no one else out there or that they don’t deserve better. They can get attached to a person who isn’t treating them well, and there’s a fear of rejection of their true inner self.

Women who have been abused may latch onto their abuser and will feel connected to them because they think they have to stay in that relationship to survive. There’s something internally that’s not allowing them to be their true selves, so they latch onto someone because that person is providing something that they don’t think they can get anywhere else.

Each one of us has versions of all three of these personas, but in our own unique way.

The behavior being run by the persona makes it difficult to be in a space where you’re authentic. It also clouds your perception and judgment.

When you find yourself behaving in a way that doesn’t match your values or who you want to be, that’s a clue that something’s “acting out” within you!

The personas are full of STRATEGY, they’re always wrapping their mind around an “agenda” and how they’ll survive.

This is based upon what their needs were at the time when they were created by an unconscious trigger mechanism. At the root of all of these personas is a fear of being hurt.

These personas shift us out of our feminine energy into our masculine energy, which will push love and good men away.

They can work in a way where they seem really positive (like “The Giver”), but your Giver can actually be very dysfunctional if that’s the only way you learned how to get love and attention, if you’re in sacrifice and you’re not being your authentic self.

At the deepest level your Giver might feel unlovable, so it’ll turn you into this superwoman who has to be everything to everyone.

The good news is, you have a choice now – back when the personas were created, you didn’t know that you had a choice – you just knew that you liked the attention that you got when you were a Giver.

I’m shared a very powerful, in-depth exercise to shift these personas so they can start working FOR you (rather than against you) in Teleclass #14 of my Effortlessly Attract Love Program.

If you’re ready to finally have the loving, committed relationship you’ve always dreamed of, click here to learn more about my Effortlessly Attract Love Program.

    12 replies to "3 Unconscious “Personas” That Keep You From Getting The Love You Want"

    • Melanie

      Ide like to know why I’m getting know luck with blokes they is only 1 bloke called mick I love

    • Rosebella

      I love giving small gifts to my boo not purposely to buy his love but because I love him so much.I believe as acouple we should share so that’s what compels me to give to a man am in love with. Every time I go shopping and see stuff like anice polo shirt,shades or even awrist watch which i know would look good on him i get him one. I wouldn’t mind so much whether he gives me or not but mine is out of generosity.kindly should I stop giving or not?

      • TheChickylala

        Yes, cease and save your coins Sis! Let that man take YOU shopping and have him buy his own things! Until that man puts a ring on your finger, you don’t owe him anything except reciprocal love & respect. Monetary gifts are fantastic but they’re not necessary for you to bequeath upon him. Men need to hunt and persue and feel useful. Let him do things for you. You’re the “gift/prize”. Do You Understand what I mean? You don’t need to buy anyone’s love. Just love yourself, be kind, be authentic, just be. ✌️

    • Iris

      I seem to attract every married man in my vicinity, that don’t want to take no as a answer. I do magnetize just not the ones I can have a good relationship with. My husband died 3 years ago maybe they see me as a easy mark?

    • Charon Fields

      I’ve been with a guy for 16 years and we’re not married what am I doing wrong?

    • Hayley Constable

      Great article! I can now see how I do all 3 of these personas

    • Stephanie Brown

      I have all three of the personas. I have destroyed all of my relationships with these. Also “my picker’s broke” as my Grandma
      as well as many friends have pointed out to me. A lot. Bunches. I am currently in love right now and destruction is happening as we speak. He has already started pulling away. I requested an in person visit so I can tell him how I feel and walk away. This is one of the very few times I’m telling him to go rather than clinging on for way too long. I’m horrid at adulting. Trying to change and be positive things. Changing up my routine…


    • Jagdish Vasantlal Jariwala

      Be Human Be Kind. Be Good Do Good. Love all Serve all.
      — The inner is the result of the outer. If you want to change society, which is corrupt, immoral and destructive, one has to change the human being who has created this society.

      • Andeea

        Very true

    • Lori

      I bought this guy everything I thought he needed only to find out he was married still but we dated for 4 yrs now ilk have 2 great guys I qanna be with but one shows me thatbhe wants to be with me and the other texts only when he wants to

      • Andreea

        Hi, if he doesn’t show interest, I think you should tell him what works for you, if he doesn’t change anything, means he really is there for his needs. By stop doing that will give you a clear picture of his intentions.
        Nothing wrong with that unless you want something else more and jeep keep yourself engage in wrong direction with wrong person. Make toom for someone else

      • Andrea

        Love yourself don’t wait for someone else to validate you. When I say love yourself, literalmente, imaginw hugging yourself, do what U did to that man , but to you, as loving yourself means you don’t allow others to treat you bad, like yiu would allow someone to treat your child or someone you lave bad.

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