If you’re feeling rejected by the man you want or discouraged about your love life, you can’t THINK your way out of your thoughts and fears. If it were that simple you would have done it already.
If you’re fed up with dating and you feel like you’re never going to meet the right man for you, there are two thoughts that may be running through your mind and undermining your efforts:
1. “The men I attract aren’t the men I’m attracted to – and the men I’m attracted to aren’t stepping up and pursuing me.”
2. “Why am I still single? I’m trying SO hard, and nothing seems to be working.”
When you have this ongoing inner dialogue day in and day out, the landscape of your life is colored by those thoughts – whether you’re aware of it or not.
No matter what you’re experiencing in your love life, if those thoughts are dominating – you’ll feel like you’re MISSING something. You may even start telling yourself, “Maybe I’m just not cut out to be in a successful, fulfilling relationship.”
This can make you feel “empty” – and you may start to view dating as just one more opportunity to feel rejected and unworthy.
When this happens, the experience of dating itself creates an underlying subconscious or conscious belief that dating is just another opportunity for rejection – so of course you’re going to have your guard up! Of course you’re going to want to sabotage things by isolating yourself.
The truth is, nobody can make you feel rejected unless you’ve already rejected YOURSELF.
If you already feel unworthy, when you feel like a man has rejected you – that rejection “hits the spot” where you’ve been rejecting yourself. Most people have “wounds” that they intellectually THINK they’ve overcome, but they actually haven’t.
If this is true for you, that spot is tender – and you’ve likely put an “armor” around your heart. You may be dating with an unconscious message that says, “No one’s going to do to me what’s happened to me in my past. I won’t risk getting hurt ever again.”
Another misunderstanding about rejection is that you may feel like you have no control and no power over the situation. This can lead you down the path of feeling like a dating victim!
You’re not a woman who wants to walk around feeling like a victim – that’s just not you.
When we as humans feel rejected, our mind goes crazy trying to figure it out. We can easily fall into obsessing, self-doubt, replaying “what went wrong” – and all the other things we do to try to cope with rejection.
This isn’t a good use of your time and energy – and it doesn’t do good things to your vibe.
The good news is, when you adjust your mindset around this, there’s a place of being un-rejectable! If you want to stop feeling rejected and discouraged – if you’re tired of dating being something you dread – the three steps I lay out for you in the next post will help you start to turn things around.
4 replies to "How To Stop Feeling Rejected And Discouraged In Dating – Part 1"
It is amazing to me how your posts are always so perfectly timed for what I’m going through! I went on 4 dates with a high-quality man and it feel like thing were going great. Then a few days ago he stopped texting me. I have no idea what happened and have been obsessing about what might be going on! I’m trying not to…but, its hard! Any thoughts/suggestions??
Hi Brandy,
Part 2 of this post should help you a lot! In the meantime, keep in mind that if he doesn’t contact you again, he can’t possibly be the right man for you – regardless of how “high-quality” he seems on the surface. As long as you’re warm, open, and receptive to him, the right man for you WON’T disappear – he’ll keep coming towards you no matter what!
For now, delete his texts messages so you don’t keep looking at them and obsessing over what happened. Get busy with other things, and go on some dates with other men! Taking your focus and your mind completely OFF of him is what gives him the best shot of showing back up. This post goes into detail on how this works:
http://helenahartcoaching.com/re-attract-a-man-whos-withdrawing/
Love, Helena
The more dates I go on the more I am aware how much “healing” needs to go on in this world! Not just for me, but also for the men who ask me out. Sometimes when I get hit with those feelings of rejection or misconnection it helps to recenter my thoughts by accepting that this particular man is also going through his own healing process and maybe our interaction helped move him forward, too, in his own path — even if it feels momentarily difficult.
Christina – that’s beautiful!! In those moments when you’re feeling triggered it also may be helpful for you to check in with yourself and ask yourself if you’re coming from a place of FEAR or FAITH:
http://helenahartcoaching.com/are-you-acting-out-of-fear-or-faith-part-1/
http://helenahartcoaching.com/are-you-acting-out-of-fear-or-faith-part-2/
Love, Helena