Here’s a letter from Julie, who’s in a position we’ve all been in – wanting more from a man than he’s willing or able to give.
The Question:
Hi Helena,
I’ve been dating this guy on and off for about a year. After watching Rori Raye’s programs and reading your blog, I see that I’ve made it almost impossible for him to fall in love with me. I’ve given SO much to him and gotten so little in return. He’s pulled away a lot, when I do see him he seems more distant and is not very affectionate. I get the feeling that he’s dating other women, even though I haven’t dated anyone else since I’ve met him. I’m feeling desperate and unhappy. I want to be with him, but I don’t know what he’s thinking. Is there a way to ask him without sounding needy??
Julie
My Answer:
Julie – we’ve all been in a position where we feel attached to a man who isn’t giving us everything we want, so we feel like we’re “begging for crumbs” from him.
In a situation like this, the question to ask is NOT “What is he thinking?”
The questions is “WHY ARE YOU HERE?”
Why do you feel you only deserve crumbs? Who told you that?
That’s your past – somewhere in your past you got the message, “Julie only deserves crumbs, she only deserves to beg.”
Right now, this is about YOU telling yourself that you only deserve crumbs.
You’re going to have to alchemize that – add in something else which is going to change your perception and make everything start to organically shift in the right direction.
You need to start telling yourself, “I’m an amazing woman, and any man would be lucky to have me. I deserve more than crumbs!”
Dating a man exclusively who is not giving you all the love, attention, affection and commitment you want is NOT an option for you anymore!
You CANNOT invest 100% in this man because you’re in a situation where you feel desperate and unhappy.
That’s your clue – “Why am I here? I’m here because something in me tells me I’m supposed to be desperate and unhappy.”
I want you to find that part of you – where’s that message coming from?
The danger of only accepting crumbs from a man is that after awhile, you start to believe that’s all you deserve.
Circular Dating is about finding a man who’s NOT a crumb, and who gives you the whole 5-course meal!
This is going to terrify you. You’re going to have to start learning how to receive a man’s affection and love. No more crumbs!
Once you start developing more self-esteem and asking yourself the question “Why am I here?” – you’ll be taking care of yourself in a way that will attract more masculine-energy men who want to take care of you and make you happy!
Love, Helena
6 replies to "Are You "Taking Crumbs" From A Man?"
The post has been an eye opener, happy to have found it.
Nice job on providing a fantastic resource!
Thanks for your article!
Can you explain what a “masculine energy man” is? My recent ex-boyfriend was very masculine and pursued me like crazy until he caught me, then i felt pulled on by him a lot, in a way where i felt he was taking from me and pulling for me to mother him (i wouldnt!) and just really turned the tables. i found myself anticipating his needs, and being very focused on him instead of the other way around. I tried not to but i felt he somehow was able to get this from me. Then, 2 months ago he broke up with me saying i needed a man who could give me more! I am still beating myself up that i somehow blew it! How is it that he came on so strong and sustained it too, for 4 months before i would even sleep with him ( i was making sure he was serious) UGH!!!!
Hi Lily,
Sorry to hear that you’re going through this right now. A masculine-energy man’s biggest desire is to make YOU happy – and the right man for you will want to continue to give to you and build intimacy with you even after the “has” you. Please don’t beat yourself up over this! What you experienced with your last boyfriend won’t happen when you’re with the right man for you.
This post should be helpful for you as it explains more about masculine-energy men and what they want:
http://helenahartcoaching.com/what-men-really-want/
Love, Helena